the email fr misha (on singlehood)

Are you one who thinks there is just one right man?

JANET FOLGER: I think that there is one that He wants for you. I think that we can mess up. People divorce. God hates divorce. People do it all of the time. But I believe that if we are surrendered to Him and we are submitted to Him and we are seeking Him first, then these things are going to be added. It is going to be the person that He has. We can marry Mr. Will Do or Mr. Good Enough, and He can make good from that, but I don’t think it is His best. I want His best, and I honestly think He has a best. If He has every day planned, He knows who that is.

People kept writing in, ‘Make sure you tell them that there is no Mr. Right. There is really not just one.’ I would tell them, ‘I don’t think I believe that.’ So I am surrendered to Him.

And you know what I have also surrendered? ‘God, if you don’t want me to be married.’ It hurts to pray this. It is so painful. If He doesn’t want this, if He is coming back next week, I want to be used by Him in whatever way He has designed for me on this earth. If you surrender that, as hard and as painful as it is to pray it, if you mean it, I believe that if desire that is still there, He is going to grant that desire.

If you had a charge to single men today, what would you say?

JANET FOLGER: There is the feminization of men. They have been wimped-out, portrayed as the idiots in sitcoms and movies for the past ten years. We need to say, ‘Be a man!’ ‘Open the door.’ If some female doesn’t appreciate it, that is a great screening process. You don’t want that kind of girl.

I want the kind of guy that is going to pursue me with passion. I am not going to manipulate anything. I am not going to orchestrate anything. If that is what you have to do to get a guy, I don’t want that kind of guy. I want a leader. I want a spiritual leader. And I haven’t seen too many of them. I want a guy who has a heart after God. If I am going to have to submit, I don’t want to follow somebody who is going the wrong way. If he is going God’s way, then we are going to be fine; if he isn’t committed and sold-out to God, I don’t even want to be on that train.

My message to men is be men after God. God is going to take care of you, too.

On the flip side, what is your charge to single women?

JANET FOLGER: Trust God. Quit watching the clock and waiting by the phone and get in the game. A lot of people would say to me, ‘ I will pray about whether or not I should help protect children.’ You don’t have to pray to be obedient. You can pray, but then act. Put your faith to action because if you are sitting at home, whining about what you don’t have, you are probably not going to get it for a while. It is like the people in Israel. As long as they complain, God is going to keep them in the desert.

You have got to come to the place where you realize that there are things to appreciate about being single. I like that if I am exhausted, I can go home and I can crash. I don’t have to feed a bunch of kids right now. I want to. I am longing to. Don’t get me wrong. But there are cool things about being single.

My mom started ‘Operation Valentine’ to send Valentines to the elderly in nursing homes and hospitals. I was part of giving out some of those Valentines. It is way better than thinking about the Valentines that you didn’t get by giving them to somebody who otherwise would never get them.

Singles are really bad about giving. I can even say that of myself. I don’t know why. I guess we get discouraged. The enemy tells us, ‘You are all alone. Nobody loves you. You can’t possibly do anything right.’ You are getting hit on every side.

JANET FOLGER: That is why. Singles are the most effective, world changing group of people out there. Satan wants you debilitated. He is going to get you into a depression. He is going to get you to think that God has forgotten you. He is going to tell you all those lies. That is his job description. Reality is not your circumstances. It is not your feelings. It is trusting every syllable of the Word of God.

If you look at Shiphrah and Pua [Exodus 1:15-21], it gives me great confidence. They were the midwives. Pharoah was saying that he was going to kill off the Israelites, kill all the male children. The midwives lie about it. They say, ‘The women are vigorous. They give birth before we ever arrive.’ I would be inclined to say, ‘I am going to obey God and not you. I am not going to listen to your stupid little order!’ I would probably have been in jail. They lie. But God’s response was that God blessed them with families of their own because they feared God more than they feared man.

God listened to Leah. God listened to Hannah. And He blessed them with families of their own. God says that He sets the solitary in families. God is the One who said that it isn’t good for man to be alone. This is His design, so we are praying within His will.

I had a friend who came to volunteer for Right to Life. She stuffed envelopes. She didn’t have any hope of meeting anybody there, but she was joining because she felt it was right. She introduced me to two of her friends and I date them both. I am dating like a maniac, having a blast, and her life is bleak. I throw her a going away party. She is moving out of state. A New Jersey guy brings his friend to the party. The reason I dated this New Jersey guy is so that she could meet his friend at the party I threw her. They are now married with five kids. While I was dating and having a blast, she was having a miserable few months. But now she is married with kids, and a decade later I am not. Circumstances are not what they seem. It seemed like things were great for me, and they weren’t. Things looked bleak for her, but they weren’t. Around the corner, her husband was there.

Do you have any last thoughts?

JANET FOLGER: ‘Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised’ [Hebrews 10:35-36]. That includes a husband. If that is the desire of your heart, I believe He is going to give it to you because He is a good God with good gifts and He is the one who said marriage is a good thing.


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