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twists

admittedly, my week didn’t really begin very well…

i’ve been snarled at, ignored (a.k.a. efforts taken for granted…what can i say…this could be a thankless job), hurled some not so nice statements at by a couple of people – barristers, some co-workers (won’t mention where).  even at work, i felt so dispensable.  i’ve been making these simple yet telling mistakes in my projected income & cash flow statements – simple coz they could be made by anyone; telling coz they tell just how careless i could be sometimes that i make the stupidest mistakes.  i’ve been nasty too…to another co-worker (sorry, i’ve already told you…i know you read my blog), to mike (of course, it didn’t help that he reciprocated the same kind of behaviour…no wonder, the past 2 weeks or so, we’ve been fighting like cats and dogs).  since i’m not usually nasty, i felt really conscience-stricken.  and as if my guilt wasn’t enough, i charged on to pull off some stunts that i later on regretted after a couple of hours.  plus, to top all that is an ongoing problem: i haven’t been talking to my mother at all for some time now due to a sensitive issue that i’ve been trying to avoid.  i was so stressed out that last weekend, i had my black hair dyed.  (i’m now a brunette with blond streaks.)

today, however, things took a turn for the better.  well, not yet totally but at least, i know that my fate will (if it hasn’t already) changed.  for the first time, in a customer meeting, i felt like i had significance, as if i did know what i was talking about.  after a long while, i had a nice chat with my mom (among the things i told her were that i had a quite nice recit in corpo yesterday and that there are these nice offers in the tax divisions of manabat & isla lipana)…and guess what, she was sending truly warm regards to mike.  and one of the best parts of the day, even though mike & i didn’t exactly have great days today, we still managed to enjoy each other’s company & make our moods for the rest of the day take a turn for the better (actually, we’ve been great since issues finally got resolved…for good, i hope).  and though matters with those angsty barristers (who are extremely worried about their transcripts – so i can’t blame ’em) and "co-workers" are still work in progress, i know that things will get better soon…

a few things i have realized throughout all this:

  1. things fall apart everytime i forget about my first Love. 
  2. psalm 37:5-6 – commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this:  He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, thue justice of your cause shine like the noonday sun.  (this verse & this entire psalm i meditated on while waiting for mike to get off from work after i got off from mine).  i worried too much when i should have been still, as i waited and hoped on, and trusted in Him.
  3. my main objective in everything that i do, whomever i come into contact with ought to be: for them to feel (experience) God’s love through me a.k.a. be a blessing, without thinking of whether or not i will get something in return…so that if i get nothing in return, it’s okay…what’s important is, i did my part.  as long as i get to be a blessing to them, my goal has already been met…joy & fulfillment (which are the best rewards ever) to follow.

so it is with these learnings that i charge on through the rest of the week…somehow envigorated.  i’m just so glad that this time around, i refused to drown in the stresses and drudgeries that i faced.  maybe i was driven to a point close to surrender that i almost buckled down.  but before i did, i was able to seek and take refuge in the right place – in the presence of the only One, who is my stronghold in time of trouble.  and that made all the difference.  🙂

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