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no superwoman

my grandmother just recently got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  and whether i like it or not, i’m finding myself in charge of the task of coordinating with relatives, doctors…calling the shots once more.  ewan ko ba, hindi naman ako ma-epal na tao sa totoong buhay.  yet i’m in charge na naman now.  and i’m tired.  because i feel na unfair.  somewhat.  and i feel guilty about how i’m feeling.  i mean, i love my grandmother and all.  but i don’t like bearing the brunt of things.  tipong, hindi ba na-r-realize ng mga kinauukulang tao na nag-aaral ako?  at di lang yon, nag-tratrabaho pa?  at nagsisikap maging isang student leader?  ewan.  parang hindi.  kaya masakit sa loob ko eh.  and honestly i just feel so alone, tired and overwhelmed.  

right now, i’m so backlogged in my studies becoz the previous week, instead of studying at night, i cajoled & plead with my grandmother to go to a hospital na, i fought with my mom for her to care & take charge sana because i know i can’t handle this na.  and because of that, i’m so praning…esp becoz midterms for civpro is just around the corner. 

pati sa work, i’m so harrassed.  i think i just made a horrible career mistake.  i retracted my resignation from m2cash, told my edge boss that i’m not joining anymore due to my precarious situation.  yet now, i don’t know if i’m actually doing the right thing by giving up on that job.  😦

i’m not campaigning because i’ve got my hands full due to this entire situation.  and because wala akong kalaban, no one is also campaigning with vigorfor me.  but i do thank the sisses who are helping sort out my skeds, cut my stickers, fold my GPOAs…

i’m no super woman.  i’m just human.  i recognize that i so need help.  but come to think of it, i don’t know how to really ask for it. 

and what do i need nga ba?
1.  prayers – for wisdom, direction, strength, peace, comfort
2.  friends to just be there, listen, emphathize, give me a hug – i so appreciate my 3E blockmates who listened to my concerns and dilemma’s kanina, jhoe & iya who gave me a much needed hug this afternoon, mike who always tries to emphathize and make me smile even though he has his own career dilemmas as well.
3.  career advice – i honestly don’t know what to do
4.  family members to please, pretty please cut me some slack naman o.
5.  support for my campaign.  

siguro, i don’t need to be told that i’ve bitten off more than i could chew.  for once, i’ll be admitting that now.  😦

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7 thoughts on “no superwoman”

  1. hold on lobit, i’ll be praying for you. =)
    sorry talaga the other day, i wasn’t aware of your “personal problems” kaya di man lang kita na-comfort. i was running after someone kase for a meeting. remind me to give you a hug when i see you. =)

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  2. 🙂

    I am no professional adviser, Lory. And I can’t give you a career advice either.

    Ang alam ko lang, Lory, kung dumating yung time na papiliin ako kung ano dapat ang maging priority — career, school, extracurricular, family — alam kong tatakbo ako sa yo para humingi ng advice. At palagay ko, alam ko na what you’ll tell me. Alam ko ring sasabihin mo sa akin na prioritizing one need doesn’t mean neglecting the other needs.

    I won’t tell you that you’ve bitten off more than what you could chew. Pero siguro kung ako ang nasa lugar mo, ang sasabihin mo sa akin ay… God won’t give you more than what you can handle. Everything happens as He wills it, and always for a good reason. He just wants us to do the best that we could, and He’ll help you with the rest. 🙂

    Hold on, be strong, and keep the faith. You’re in my prayers.

    ~Sanne

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  3. i’ll be praying for you lory! don’t worry, kaya mo yan. you are so faithful to God, He is more faithful to you. it’s okay to breakdown minsan, as you said.. you’re still human. that’s when God comes into picture. as you know, you can’t do this alone. you need Him to overcome everything 🙂

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      1. thank you so much, tin. napaka-perceptive ng text mo. when all this is over, i hope we could get together again to catch up. 🙂 God bless you!

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