my grandmother just recently got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. and whether i like it or not, i’m finding myself in charge of the task of coordinating with relatives, doctors…calling the shots once more. ewan ko ba, hindi naman ako ma-epal na tao sa totoong buhay. yet i’m in charge na naman now. and i’m tired. because i feel na unfair. somewhat. and i feel guilty about how i’m feeling. i mean, i love my grandmother and all. but i don’t like bearing the brunt of things. tipong, hindi ba na-r-realize ng mga kinauukulang tao na nag-aaral ako? at di lang yon, nag-tratrabaho pa? at nagsisikap maging isang student leader? ewan. parang hindi. kaya masakit sa loob ko eh. and honestly i just feel so alone, tired and overwhelmed.
right now, i’m so backlogged in my studies becoz the previous week, instead of studying at night, i cajoled & plead with my grandmother to go to a hospital na, i fought with my mom for her to care & take charge sana because i know i can’t handle this na. and because of that, i’m so praning…esp becoz midterms for civpro is just around the corner.
pati sa work, i’m so harrassed. i think i just made a horrible career mistake. i retracted my resignation from m2cash, told my edge boss that i’m not joining anymore due to my precarious situation. yet now, i don’t know if i’m actually doing the right thing by giving up on that job. 😦
i’m not campaigning because i’ve got my hands full due to this entire situation. and because wala akong kalaban, no one is also campaigning with vigorfor me. but i do thank the sisses who are helping sort out my skeds, cut my stickers, fold my GPOAs…
i’m no super woman. i’m just human. i recognize that i so need help. but come to think of it, i don’t know how to really ask for it.
and what do i need nga ba?
1. prayers – for wisdom, direction, strength, peace, comfort
2. friends to just be there, listen, emphathize, give me a hug – i so appreciate my 3E blockmates who listened to my concerns and dilemma’s kanina, jhoe & iya who gave me a much needed hug this afternoon, mike who always tries to emphathize and make me smile even though he has his own career dilemmas as well.
3. career advice – i honestly don’t know what to do
4. family members to please, pretty please cut me some slack naman o.
5. support for my campaign.
siguro, i don’t need to be told that i’ve bitten off more than i could chew. for once, i’ll be admitting that now. 😦