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in limbo

i’m neither angry nor sad. i think the best word that would describe my sentiments is: DISMAY. DISAPPOINTMENT may also be apt. pwede ring DISTRESSED (sige, yon na lang ang mood ko for this entry)

flashback: mike popped the question almost three months ago. within a week thereafter, i was already able to tell my mom and the rest of my family that he proposed to me, a proposal which i accepted. most of my relatives asked why we were in a hurry (di naman, matagal-tagal na rin naming napag-uusapan ‘to. we’re at the right age na rin naman) and WON i was pregnant (WHICH I’M SOOOO NOT!). my mom was initially NR (actually, she still is, but she says she likes and appreciates mike naman…tanggap nyang maging son-in-law. yun nga lang, till the time he actually speaks to her about it, the engagement is not yet final daw…which i think is right naman). but everyone respects our decision. most friends are happy for us nga eh. 

2.5 months later: may tentative wedding date na kami. either december 22 or 29. si mike pa nga ang may gusto ng december.

three months later: mike still hasn’t told his parents about our engagement. he says he wants to tell them kasi tapos magiging receptive sila. nag-aattempt naman daw sya pero the conversation always veers away from the topic or bad mood ang folks nya. kesyo he wants to surprise me raw sana with a ring (and i foiled such a surprise…sabi ko, i don’t need a ring anywayz. am a no-frills person…am after substance, not form. the ring is just a symbol. it’s not that important to me.)

more of my sentiments: for 2 months, i was patiently trusting him to do what he has to. but my patience is dwindling fast. i’ve tried letting him know in about how i’ve been feeling in a nice way. i’m getting frustrated to the point na i’m starting to nag na. i wanna understand him naman…like if he has issues ba or what. last saturday night, i told him, it’s okay if he’s not ready yet. i don’t wanna pressure him to do something he doesn’t really wanna do yet. ang sabi: he wants this daw. i said, baka better if we get disengaged muna…propose na lang sya ulit sa kin AFTER he has told his folks of his intentions to marry me. ang sagot: that would be my decision lang…di raw sya papayag. wag ko naman daw sya iwan sa ere. ayaw rin nyang iurong ang target date. he knows naman daw what he has to do. he’ll try harder daw. (yeah, yeah, been hearing that from him for 3 months now). galit raw sya sa sarili nya. he doesn’t want to screw up a good thing. he pleaded for a little bit more patience pa raw sana from me.  ayaw rin nya yung mag-set kami ng dinner date with his folks.  wag ko raw sya iwan sa ere pero ayaw rin nya na sumama ako when he tells ’em. (?!?!?!)

ano ba talaga?! ang labo, man! nahihirapan na ako. i thought getting engaged / preparing to get married should be a joyous experience. bakit ganito ‘to? it’s producing a strain sa relationship namin.

my plan of action: be patient till the end of june – para pagbigyan sya sa more patience request nya. pag july na, wala pa rin, mag-s-set na ako ng dinner meeting.  or kung ayaw talaga nya yon, kahit na unilateral, i think the best course of action would be to get disengaged muna…that doesn’t mean naman na hindi na kami. but siguro, dapat naming mas pag-isipan ‘tong papasukin namin, right?

setting this aside, okay pa rin naman kami. we’re happy and very much in love. but this is an important thing kasi eh. it really matters to me.  aside from this, okay naman kami, as we always have been…. most of the time, that is.

haaayyyy…what do you guys think? advice naman dyan…

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2 thoughts on “in limbo”

  1. Have you asked him why dapat perfect timing and pag-announce sa folks nya? How supportive are his family on this matter? Kung okay naman sa side ng family nya, at tanggap ka naman nila… then ask him what he wants to do that really needs both of your patience and time. Is it about getting a more stable job? Does he have smalltime unfinished business na kailangan tapusin and that he doesn’t want to deal with after the marriage?

    You guys should sit down and talk. Just talk. No accusations or speculations. Para naman clear kayo sa isa’t-isa. Take note, hindi tayo mga psychic, kaya impossibleh ang mind-readers in a relationship. And no, guessing games won’t do. 🙂

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  2. ayaw rin nya yung mag-set kami ng dinner date with his folks. wag ko raw sya iwan sa ere pero ayaw rin nya na sumama ako when he tells ’em.

    Like I told you when we saw each other in school, dito ako nabobother sa fact na parang ayaw ka niya maging involved. I mean, you guys are choosing to live your life together diba? So isn’t this whole announcing-our-engagement thing the first thing you do together? (I mean “together” as in na you’ve both chosen to take the next step beyond just dating each other) Kaya parang it says a lot na nahihirapan na kayo with this first thing you do together eh! And I’m also getting the impression na hindi ka naman demanding about it eh. Mahirap yang mga excuses na “sige lang, I’ll do it later” or “please be patient” there’s always something fishy about it, parang may tinatago siya na underlying thing.

    I think he has some issues, maybe not directly related sa announcement pero nagsusurface doon kasi nga nagiging source of tension ninyo. Dapat pag-usapan niyo talaga yan. =)

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