i’m so happy today (kahit na super miss ko na si mike, who’s in davao due to work stuff) because…
1.) i had an initial meeting with marsha of IDEA. i have another part-time RA racket, good for 6 months. it’s a project on “the oral history of technocracy in the philippines” with dr. paderangga. sa school of econ so near lang. i’m glad coz that’s going to be another source of income. 🙂
2.) i was told that my scholarship got approved. 🙂
to think a couple of weeks back, i was ranting about unfairness and inequity.
you see, my grandfather, when he was still alive, donated a certain amount to each grandchild of his – an amount which was to be used specifically for each grandchild’s graduate studies. the amounts for my sister & me were kept in trust by mom. the amount isn’t really substantial, such that i still had to work to fend for my expenses, but twas very helpful especially during my first 2 & 1/2 yrs in law school (1st yr, i still had savings from p&g. 2nd yr, i had to work na). then, january of last year, my grandmother was diagnosed of stage 3 to 4 cancer. no one in the extended family had money. the only cash stashed away was the remaining balance of my graduate studies trust fund & that of my sister’s. (i have no idea where the amounts allotted for my 2 first cousins went). my mom asked my sister & me if it was okay na ipahiram muna to pay for my lola’s hospital bills and operation, to be repaid when land will be sold. of course, pumayag naman kami.
twas sadly, not enough…we had to sell a parcel of land that was previously donated to my parents for my grandmom’s medical bills. my mom contributes din to my grandmother’s continuing expenses for the costly organic (& other) medicines, which in fairness are keeping her alive. my uncle naman could not contribute – quite understably, he’s half-paralyzed and he fends for the family of my 27-year-old married, jobless cousin, who has 3 kids & who’s still in college. so it’s really just my mom helping out (with me running errands for her, especially since i live with my grandmother).
just last month, we had to sell another piece of property because the proceeds of the previous sale have already been depleted. (it’s a good thing that my grandfather was landed…kaso nga lang, we’re not liquid) this time, my grandmother decided to split the profits into 3. 1/3 for her, 1/3 for my uncle & his family, 1/3 for my mom & our family. she knew of the “loan” from my sister’s & my trust fund, and intended that it be repaid from my mom’s share na rin. (eh di ba sana, i-repay muna before i-split yung proceeds nung sale into 3? or 1/2 sa kanya, 1/4 each sa uncle & mom ko). but no, when i pointed it out to her in a nice way naman, i tried to be objective & respectful naman…my mom wasn’t talking kasi. ayaw daw nya magmukhang pera, but i felt someone in the family had to at least ensure na hindi naman kami naaagrabyado, right? we have needs too. that money is ipon sana or my bar review & to fend for myself during my 5th yr when i plan to concentrate on my law studies & review na. my sister naman wants to be a chef after her first course. of course, i wanna see her achieve her goals too. my mom naman needs to pay her GSIS premiums because UP failed to deduct it from her salary during her 1st 10yrs of employment. she wants to retire early at the age of 55 – 6 yrs from now. tapos we’re being evicted from our housing in uplb. so we need to buy a house of our own na rin. anyway, with all these needs, and being the firstborn & the accountant & budding lawyer in the family, i felt that that someone who had to safeguard our rights had to be me.
the plan to just be objective & to simply state facts in a nice, respectful manner backfired. no matter how tactful & diplomatic i tried to be, my grandmother just said, “pera ko man yan lahat” (translation: it’s my money, i can do whatever i want. wag kang makialam). since then, she’s been pretty off sa akin. ako naman, i don’t wanna pick a fight nor fuel her anger/disdain. i just stay out of her path na lang para di na lumala. tutal, when she has errands for me to run, i do them pa rin. kaso, i only get criticized underservedly, while everyday, she sends money from her pension for the luho of that 27yr old cousin of mine, who’s her favorite.
nakakasakit ng loob, di ba? i felt the favoritism and the inequity talaga, samantalang ako, to be able to fend for my expenses, i have to be enterprising & resourceful (e.g. convert our apartment upstairs into a boarding house – that’s why i moved out, get employed despite my 18-unit academic load & lsg). it’s not as if nagloloko ako. i’m a very responsible kid naman. i’ve always tried to be one & i’ve always tried to be a good example to my sister & to my cousins. pero ako pa ngayon ang masama…and treated unfairly. but sige, my lola’s sick…she’s not gonna last long. intindihin na lang. wag na lumaban. try to love her pa rin. kahit na nakakasama talaga ng loob.
sabi ng mom ko, di bale na raw na medyo we’re bearing the brunt of my lola’s favoritism (na di ko talaga ma-getz…di hamak na mas mabait, matino at mas matalino ang mommy ko, bakit mas paborito yung kapatid nya?). si Lord naman daw ang bahala sa amin. He’s our Sovereign Father, Jehovah Jireh & ultimate Provider di ba? so ipinagpasa-Diyos ko na lang itong lahat.
kaya naman today na i received the good news about the RA racket & the scholarship (tapos nagbayad pa ang 4 na boarders last night), i’m just so thankful and tearfully happy because kahit hindi ko na inaasahan ‘tong mga provisions na ‘to, He gave them to me pa. super thank You, Lord! 🙂