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While I’m Waiting

Good morning, Lord! Good morning, world!

This is the first day after our (1st) Euro trip. Who would’ve ever thought that I’d go on one? It was something that I wanted to do before, but never really worked on (intently) to fulfill. I am just so thankful to God for giving such an opportunity to me…who am I that He would be mindful of me? I am just so thankful for His graciousness.

I am still jetlagged, admittedly, but have resolved that I shall go to work early today (I intend to be at the office 3 hours earlier than the supposed time, to catch up on emails and finish that CEP training – that’s the training so I can give a rating which will spell my direct reports’ Current Estimated Potential in Shell or how far they can go in the company. Quite a large burden, as it affects lives; and so I ask for wisdom from You anew, Lord).

Admittedly, I snoozed again for an hour, but finally as I prayed, I told the Lord, “okay, Father, if part of being led by Your Spirit is to wake up na, this will be my last snooze for today, so I can blog, just as you have been prompting me to.” And so here I am with a lot of things to blog about, but don’t really know which one to write about first.

For today, I’ll probably write about waiting on the Lord, a topic that’s quite close to my heart. Those who have a relationship with God typically wait on Him on a daily basis, as they wait for Him to speak and move in certain situations. As for me, the wait I am referring to in particular is about my wait for a child (or two).

In Romans 8:22-28 (MSG), the apostle Paul writes, “All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

Yes, this waiting does not diminish Mike or me…it may seem painful at times, but I can see how God keeps me preoccupied as well, as I fix my eyes on Him in the waiting. He has “entertained” us with a Euro trip (among others) after all. 🙂 Plus perhaps, one of the best things that this wait (and even the travel) has resulted into is seeing how my husband is strong in the Lord in the days when I’m not.

For years now, I have been praying for my husband to be the spiritual leader in our marriage. When we got married, my husband and I were lukewarm Christians; a year into our marriage, there was a turning point in my life where God revealed Himself more, and who I really am. Since then, my passion to know God more increased, and even a lot of my interests (for example, instead of just watching TV or going out, I want to read a book about how to further intimacy with God, spiritual gifts, prayer and actually spend time in prayer. Whereas I used to take matters into my own hands before, I believe I now pause in prayer and wait for the Lord more now…still have a long way to go here…thank God He’s also patient with me!)

I, however, have not been so patient in the wait for my husband to be the spiritual leader. I have gone through periods of frustration, and yes, even anger with God because I felt that my prayers were going unanswered, as it appeared that my husband did not share the same passion. I also became guilty of somewhat “nagging” (i.e. repeatedly reminding, but in a nice way) my husband to be the spiritual leader of the family (or even in our marriage, as we don’t have kids yet).

Then, God taught me that:
1. Whatever insufficiencies my husband may have, I should find in God alone. His grace is always enough and more than compensates for any lack.
2. Marriage is not for my happiness alone, but also (maybe moreof) designed to make me more Christlike – even more long-suffering or persevering in prayer
3. My “spiritual pride” (i.e. looking down upon my husband as the less spiritual one) was actually discouraging him from growing closer to the Lord. (This I learned through a petty but memorable lovers’ spat in the SM Aura parking lot).

Currently, there are still good days and not-so-good ones – all through which I continue to look to God. Sometimes I get distracted, but I just go back to who my gaze should be centered on: Jesus. Little by little, I’m finding my husband acknowledging God more, praying more. I still point out to my husband how I believe God is moving in some particular situations we are undergoing (like how I noticed that suspicious-looking people were seemingly warded off – naiipit ng train, nahaharangan ng carriages, as I sang in worship of the Lord in Paris’ subways), but ultimately I believe that it’s God’s immense kindness and grace which is truly drawing my husband more to Him. Right now, as we wait on the Lord for a child, in my weak days, my husband is the one who is strong in the Lord.

In these and more, even in the wait, I am enlarged, at peace and thankful. 🙂 With this, I guess even now, I can say that I am pregnant (spiritually); just awaiting how this will manifest in the natural. Yes, I continue to wait upon You, Lord 🙂

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