Surely He scorns the scornful, But gives grace to the humble. – Proverbs 3:34 NKJV
The above, today’s verse in youversion, prompted to look for the definition of scornful
Reflecting on my conduct this past year, I realized that I have been scornful, myself. Thank God for His grace that it did not show; but perhaps, within me still lay a feeling of superiority that did not please Him.
The trouble perhaps with me is I tend to act with pomp and disrespect, myself, when scorned. Cases in point are (1) the email exchanges and (2) the text messages below.
(1) the email exchanges below
(2) the text exchanges below with the boss
Those text messages transpired last Tuesday, just as I was about to sign the Jollibee contract (prompted me to sign right away!) The following Wednesday, when I tendered my resignation, I had a horrible confrontation with the boss. I lost my cool when she initially refused to sign the receiving copy of the letter, blamed me for creating a “pattern” to think that she did not like me, and brought to fore that I took the day off on the day before the VP’s visit, which fell on a holiday (a leave which she approved). She was also defensive when asked about the above text exchange. Then she prompted me to tell on what colleagues were telling me about her. Finally, she took it against me that I told my direct reports first about my resignation.
Throughout that conversation, I couldn’t help but resort to rhetorical questions, but it was as if I wasn’t talking to my boss. I doubt if I acted like a follower of Christ in that conversation. There was a part of me that was glad to have answered her back, but a bigger part of me felt weighed down, because I followed my own tendencies instead of allowing myself to be led by the Lord.
The following day, I was able to attend a midweek worship service, and I got convicted. I asked for prayers from the folks there. As I was walking back to the office, I found myself with renewed strength…I asked God to help me apologize to my boss. Gosh, it was one of the most difficult things that I had to do because I felt that I was right about certain things. But I was thinking, “ok, Lord, here goes, I just wanna follow You. Kayo na bahala” So I walked straight to the boss’s desk (she was seated in a different floor), and told her, “(Her name), I’ve been thinking about our talk yesterday, and I just came from a worship service. I’m sorry if I was disrespectful to you, or if I was in any way mean. I want you to know that I’ll try to help you, as much as I can, while I’m still here, and that I’ll try my best to protect you. I understand that you were just stressed. I’m sorry.” Then I hugged her. She hugged me back, and said that yes, I was confrontational, but there was no need for me to say sorry.
I then felt a huge burden lift from me, and I ceased to feel a craving to talk about the perceived injustices that I believe I suffered…as if God has erased the pain of the same from my mind.
That extremely difficult conversation caused me to waver. There are also times when deep within me, I consider myself as superior to others there…though not outwardly manifesting, such ways are contemptible to the Lord.
I admit that I cannot follow God’s ways by myself, and I just ask for His grace and forgiveness. Today, I ask for His empowerment to be the opposite of scornful. I ask for His grace. I thank Him for giving both the desire and the ability to follow Him. He is the author and perfector of our faith indeed. 🙂