We resolved yesterday to confirm the results with yet more tests, before we see an OB…and so, this morning…
7 tests from 7 different brands on the 7th year! My favorite is the Blue Cross kit because the results were clearest there, as if it were a statement in all caps: POSITIVE!!!
Yes, these results bring some clarity to what I’ve been experiencing the past few weeks.
I noticed that my period was delayed by around a week 1.5 weeks ago. Because all of my previous tests results were negative, followed by the arrival of the monthly visitor a week or two later, I no longer bothered to test. I assumed that probably, it was another one of those irregular periods. Around Friday last week, I noticed some spotting, and just assumed that the monthly visitor would come soon, as I was also experiencing some menstrual-like symptoms – cramping, lower back strain, and breast tenderness. I’m not usually cranky when I get my period, but for some reason, I was (am still! Haha) a bit more touchy with Mike’s NR tendencies. The visitor did not come as expected though despite the persistence of the symptoms. Thursday morning, while I was praying, I felt prompted to test. I said, ok, I shall do that this Saturday, on an unhurried morning. And so, I did test yesterday, and once more, today. It does look like we’re on the family way, folks! We shall schedule an appointment with the OB soon.
Of course I am happy, though it hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I just praise God for this surprise, this miracle that He brought our way. As to why this is definitely a miracle? Here’s why. 🙂
On year 1 of Mike’s and my marriage, I was still in law school. Year 2 and 3 saw me as a bar candidate and new associate. During those years, though we were not actively trying to have kids, we also did not deliberately avoid having them (our family planning method wasn’t exactly fool-proof). Deep in my heart though, my prayer was, “Lord, I’m very much open if you want to bless us with kids now.” As no kids arrived yet then, I figured that probably, the Lord was still working some things out in our hearts and financial situation. That time, I began receiving prophetic words that God will bless us with children. Hence, by year 4, the desire to have a child fully developed and was planted in my heart. At that time though, I was more ready than Mike was. I remember that evening when we had a rather huge fight about it…I was home early (was I sick or working home that time?) and he arrived to find the condo dark with all lights closed, with me crying in the room because I couldn’t understand why he thought we were not yet financially ready for kids. It took an afternoon of marriage counseling to fix that. Haha. Afterwards, we started praying more intently, and also tried more intently, as well, making use of that menstrual calendar app. No baby came though. Instead, everyone else around me seemed to be getting pregnant, even those whose circumstances were not very ideal for parenthood. I thought that my stressful work environment contributed to our failure to conceive, such that in the middle of year 5, I was decided on a career change. (Of course, this wasn’t the sole reason, but was a huge contributory factor behind the decision).
Upon moving to my new job, which offered a higher pay and different working hours, I grabbed the chance to visit an OB recommended by a friend who experienced a difficult pregnancy. The OB lost no time in recommending that I undergo several lines of tests, considering that I was already in my mid 30s. The first and second line of tests (which included a painfully uncomfortable fallopian tube test) all churned out normal (or at the very least, marginally normal) results for my husband and me. We were then advised to undergo a tissue cross-match, which was supposed to tell if I had antibodies that prevented me from conceiving. When we received the results, I was even elated to see that all parameters were negative. Turns out, however, that those results meant that I allegedly had a condition called alloimmune blood disorder, which meant that I was allegedly allergic to my husband’s sperm (or the fertilized egg) in layman’s terms. I still remember God’s assurance through the song, “I am a friend of God”, which played on the car stereo as we were praying right in the car on the day that the diagnosis was given. It was as if He was reminding us of Abraham and Sarah and comforting us that the important thing was, He calls us His friends, and that He is more than able to handle this situation.
The diagnosed condition required us to undergo an expensive and rather painful 4month treatment called lymphocyte immunotherapy (“LIT”), where white blood cells extracted from my husband’s blood were injected underneath my skin so that my system could recognize that they were “friends”. It took a while for us to decide to pursue the treatment. We held on pretty much to God’s promises, as we continued to receive prophetic words and scriptural messages both in church and personal quiet time, reminding us of God’s promise; but inquired as to whether or not the promise was to be fulfilled through medical intervention. I figured that perhaps, God was giving us the means and the time to pursue the treatment. Thus, by January of this year, at the start of year 6, we commenced the LIT.
The 3rd LIT session took place a few days before our Euro trip. As we were told that there were some couples who spontaneously conceived (i.e. without need for assisted modes of conception like IUI or IVF), we were quite hopeful that we would conceive in Europe (and thus claim that the baby was made in London, Hague or Paris). But no…I got my period in the middle of the trip. I decided to give it another chance, and thought that the treatment, perhaps, had not yet taken full effect. So we decided to finish the last session, and afterwards check if the LIT corrected the so-called disorder. At the end of May, we were advised to undergo a tissue cross-match again. A week later, my husband got the results, but had some excuses as to why he procrastinated in showing me the results. A couple of weeks later, I got hold of the results after having myself checked for a tummy ache. I got so downcast upon seeing the same negative parameters – so it was as if the LIT did not take effect. I felt sad…imagine spending close to a couple of hundreds of thousands for all the tests and treatments, only for those to amount to nothing. I distinctly remember crying on my way to work, while praying in tongues (I didn’t know how else to pray at that time), as I lifted my sadness and frustration to the Lord. I resolved not to speak negatively about it, as I asked the Lord to remind me of His promises. For a few months, I repeatedly listened to the CDs on God’s Plan for Pregnancy and Joseph Prince’s message on delay. They were extremely helpful and helped me realize that:
1. Ultimately, no amount of medical intervention could give us the answers we sought. We would just be spending several hundreds of thousands perhaps for naught until we learn to fully rely on the Lord. Why go that route? Why not just wait on Him, and see Him move?
2. Nowhere in the Bible was there an account of a childless couple whose prayer remained unanswered. From Sarah to Rachel and Leah, to Samson’s mother, to Hannah, to the Shunamite woman, to Elizabeth, God gave them children. He is not a respecter of persons and remains as powerful and faithful now as He was then. He is willing to bestow the blessing, with outstretched hands. I need to be postured to receive. And just how will I be postured to receive? Here are some insights that the Lord has given me in my period of waiting:
3. In the Bible, whenever God delayed in giving children, the child was a champion…and so shall this child be! As prayed for by Pastor James and Ate Chim, this child shall be a prophet from the womb.
With those lessons, I resolved to just wait on the Lord. He strengthened my faith in Him and turned the despair and agony of waiting to joy. I felt and embraced the realization that only God will receive the credit for this miracle.
The wait from June till now seemed long, but it was a precious, precious time as I felt the Lord comfort me through dreams, through messages in church and my quiet time. He also allowed a distraction in the form of a challenge in the workplace, such that when I received prophetic words (such as Pastor Bernie’s prayers reminding me not to forget about the dream that God has placed in my heart of having children), I placed them on the shelf, for claiming when God impresses me that the season for claiming His promises was at hand.
Last Saturday, while Pastor Bernie was saying a prayer in the Breaking Through seminar and as I prayed along, I felt the Lord tell me that the season is now. During the prayer, I was reminded of a dream I had several weeks back. I dreamt that I was standing before a big white wall that looks like the one in the photo below. Though unlike the wall in this photo, which was just partly torn down, the wall in my dream simply dissolved completely. Behind it appeared a set of steps to fiery, white flames that struck me as the presence of God, inviting me to come up higher. Pastor Bernie mentioned something about how God can either cause you to go up or under the wall, or He can cause the wall to supernaturally breakdown…and I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that the Lord is supernaturally dissolving the wall, and breakthrough was at hand. After sharing with the other participants what I need to break through from at the moment, they all prayed for Mike and me.
Last Tuesday, Pastor James and Ate Chim also prayed for Mike and me after the KI Bible study in CCF. Mike and I prayed together with them in faith of course…but still, I am amazed, astounded, surprised with how soon God answered those prayers…to think that I wasn’t even able to make use of the menstrual calendar app because my Note 8.0 broke down, and all previous data went down the drain.
Yes, it may have been 7 years, but somehow, I still feel like God accelerated His move. With all my heart, I can say and I truly believe that the Lord has not delayed in remembering me. I am reminded of this post I saw in FB and included in a blog entry a few days ago:
Now, I really am about to enter a new season, both as regards my career and family life. So this is how it feels when you receive breakthrough in multiple aspects of life. When it rains, it really pours. I am just amazed. I admit that in this new season, I will be in the midst of unfamiliar territory. I really need the Lord’s leading and protection.
At this point, although I am blogging about this (primarily because I want to capture the moment. Haha), we’re not yet really in a position to go public with this information. Though if I share this blog entry with you, it means that I am very thankful for your prayers and support in my 7year journey. This week, we shall see an OB for further confirmation. Please pray for Mike and me, as we enter this new season of our lives. Thank you, again! Isn’t God just so good? Whatever season you’re at right now, may you enjoy His favor upon you this coming week and always.