I’ve been requesting prayers as regards our housing situation. I received a response from a well-meaning source, which brought a low to my spirit as I pondered more upon the message:
Was I actually deceived? Was it the enemy feeding on my earthly desires? Is it a mere earthly desire to earn a nice home? Does the Lord really just want me to work with my limited resources, wisdom and power or does “not by might, not by power, but by the spirit of God” apply here?
For some reason, reading this message plunged me into discouragement. Not because of a probable loss or a hopeless situation (okay, that too), but because I thought I’ve been abiding in the Lord naman, and I’m being led by Him. Am I not drawing more to Hm in intimacy? So did I hear wrongly? Were those remarks (or how they struck me) from the Holy Spirit or the accuser of the brethen / a religious spirit?
Admittedly, I am still learning how to discern what’s from the Lord and what’s not. I do know (and am affirming) that my greatest delight is the Lord. I believe with all my heart that when you delight yourself in Him, He gives you the desires of your heart.
In my case, deep within me, I’m just a simple little girl. I did not even aspire nor originally set out to be well-off or to have a nice house. I was not brought up that way. My upbringing, however, made me aspire to fulfill God’s purpose for my life, to fulfill a calling and in so doing remain integrous and be at peace with God and man. I know God is working through that little girl in me. I still see myself as a little girl seated at His feet, wanting more of Him…If He wants to give me more, as I am seated at His feet, I will be so thankful, but I would always want Him more. (Hence I shouldn’t feel too dejected, though pained, in case of turn-out that’s contrary to what I’m believing God for)
Having written that, I actually feel a bit better now compared to earlier this morning when I did not feel like getting out of bed due to discouragement. (Thanks to my husband’s encouragement and prayers too).
I just continue to put on God’s breastplate of righteousness. While I continue to ask for His wisdom, I admit that I really do not know what to do next and I somewhat feel discouraged. I lift up this discouragement to Him and pray for the restoration of the joy of my salvation as I abide in His love.
I have loved you, [just] as the Father has loved Me; abide in My love [continue in His love with Me]. If you keep My commandments [if you continue to obey My instructions], you will abide in My love and live on in it, just as I have obeyed My Father’s commandments and live on in His love. I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing. – John 15:9-11 AMP
Right now the chorus of this song is ringing in my ears:
I receive Your love
I receive Your love for me
I receive Your love
I know I am accepted
Lord, I receive more of Your love. Could it be that You have allowed these circumstances to expand my capacity for more of Your love for me? Lord, You are my Shepherd. You have bought me for a price. You are in charge of my life and my affairs. You are my Jehovah Jireh. You are sovereign. You provide according to Your glorious riches and You love me. Lord, I plead for more of Your grace in this situation. Intervene as You want, Lord. Direct me with Your wisdom, Lord. Oh but till I receive Your instructions, may I just dwell at Your feet? At Your feet, I receive cleansing from Your most precious blood, in case of earthly desires. I lay down my cross, and just receive Your joy and comfort, Lord. Restore in me the joy of Your salvation. While there is uncertainty, I declare that You are my hope and You are the one who makes my feet sure. Thank You for ordering my steps and stops. And right now, may I just pause and be still in You?
A couple of hours after writing the above, I encountered the article below, through which the Lord seems to address my concerns. This reminded me of one of the podcasts I was listening to, as I drove yesterday: of how God can use our enemies or opposition to drive us higher, further. In my case, I guess that well meaning reply which struck me differently, inspired me to, all the more, directly seek God’s encouragement and instructions, instead of man’s.