Last Mothers Day, amidst the celebrations and greetings in honor of Mothers all over the world, there were some who might have been feeling left out – those who have wanted and tried (or are trying) but for some reason can’t or have not yet had a child, or who just lost one.
Admittedly, I, myself, felt a pang when a friend greeted all of the members in our group of high school friends, enumerating each by name, except me, I being the only one who’s not yet a mother…and yet another friend responded similarly.
In contrast, however (and my husband and I had been reflecting about this), though we are the only childless couple in our life group, never did we feel or were made to feel left out.
I am also fine with being in a group of friends who are all mothers. Yet for some reason, I felt that there was “something” in those greetings.
While there’s a way to go about it without making some feel left out, whether intentionally or intentionally, that is besides the point because, aspiring mom (or one who aspired), you never really can have control over what other people will say or think. What matters though is how you deal with it and react when you’re the one left (or singled) out for this (or a similar) reason.
Of course, I struggled with the pang (for a few hours actually), but as I prayed and chose to honor mothers all around me (I greeted my mom, mother-in-law and all moms who showed up in my FB newsfeed), I was eventually brought to the following realizations:
1. I am believing by faith that I am already a mother in the spiritual. Yes, it has taken time for this to manifest in the natural. Then again a bad attitude about the matter will not hasten its coming.
2. My identity is not and will not be rooted in being a mom (or not being one). It’s not even rooted in being a wife (or being single), nor in my profession, career, achievements and attributes or qualities. My identity is rooted in Jesus alone – in who He is to me, and who I am in Him.
3. So what if I was left out? I am always accepted and I always belong in Jesus, and that is what matters.
4. I have a lot of blessings to be thankful for! My walk with God is vibrant. God enabled me to fulfill my childhood dream of being a lawyer, and has taken me to places in my career. I have a handsome, godly, uber-kind and caring husband who makes me laugh and treats me like a queen at home. We have cute dogs whom we love and who love us back like kids. God is giving us financial provisions and has allowed us to experience the joys of travelling and seeing more places in the world. He has blessed us with immediate family who do not pressure us to have kids. And I am assured that in Jesus, the future will even be more glorious and my hope is in Him. I am happy, complete and content! 🙂
All that said, I do not harbor any offense against my friends, who may have just had an insensitive bout. (we all have those moments, right?) Who knows, perhaps they are undergoing some things in their lives, which affect their security and contentment, and may need grace, as much as we do (on my end, I will always be needy of God’s grace). An unoffended heart that is able to hear and receive from God is more important to me than holding on to any offense, anger or bitterness, no matter how big or small.
Also, when I become a Mom (and by faith, next mothers day, I will be celebrating it with the others!), I will take care, by God’s grace, to not make anyone who has experienced what I and all those similarly situated have gone through feel left out on Mother’s Day, through any insensitive remark or act. Instead, I want to be someone who’ll go out of her way to encourage someone struggling with infertility amidst the desires to have a child. On this note, here’s an encouragement from the Lord: