I wanted to have more of teachings on when life doesn’t make sense, and stumbled upon this:
I have been having a marathon the entire day.
I realize that I feel what I do because I have been asking God for the same things over and over again, yet it seems like there’s little development or at times, there are even circuitous detours in the following: my husband’s (spiritual) leadership and drive versus his wants, our family life, our housing aspirations, my career (I even have what looks like a demotion), and dysfunctional quirks in my family of origin.
Today though, while recovering from the flu and on emergency leave thanks to Typhoon Lando, I faced and lifted up my anxiety and heartsickness to the Lord. As I pondered on the parallelisms of my life to Joseph’s in my “Detour marathon”, I asked God, “why this pattern of so many detours and delays in my life, Lord?”. Thinking that He would show me a pattern of sin or flaw of character, or that He would give me some instruction to finally breakthrough, I was silenced by a question also propounded in one of the videos, “I am not enough for you?”
The question transformed my own questions into praise, as I remembered and sang a Hillsong song, “Lord, You’re more than enough for me…So blessed I can’t contain it, so much I gotta give it away. Your love has taught me to love now. You are more than enough for me.”
I pray for God’s grace so that this truth would be so anchored in my heart, that I will not be shaken, especially when people ask me about the detours and delays in my life. I believe in God’s promises to give me a hope and a future, that I will be at the head and not at the tail, and that He will bring me from glory to glory. I don’t know specifically what the Lord is planning, but I know that because He is more than enough for me, I am content, though the detours and delays may persist. I may not see what He’s doing, but I trust His heart. He is good, He is more than able, He loves me and He is my good shepherd who ensures that I shall not be in want.
By His grace (Lord, I need your help, because I’ve seen my tendencies and I don’t trust my own strength, but I rely on You to empower me), I will reject….and will instead choose….
…jealousy…contentment (yes, I choose contentment!)
I think I have an answered prayer.