Last night, as I called out to the Lord, ministering to Him through singing, I felt Him stir my heart to ask for more of Him. And so I did…I asked Him to shine His light into my heart and mind. I believe He did. A few moments after, I realized a pattern of pride in my heart. It was a pride that may have been hidden to men, including me, but it was certainly not to the Lord.
With His light shining upon my heart (as if His eyes were blazing like fire shining on my heart like a spotlight), it finally became clear to me: It’s out of His love that I’ve underwent some things I have gone through, especially in the recent days, because He didn’t want me to remain the way I was. He wanted the pride to leave, it was an abomination in His sight and He has been wanting to burn it up.
I repented from feeling superior, from wanting to show others how good I am, and from this sense of entitlement (that sometimes made me feel I deserved better or sooner). These have been hardening my heart all along, such that it has affected my worship and thanksgiving to the Lord because I have withheld from Him the all-out praise, thanks and worship due Him.
I prayed even more – confessing each instance that came to mind, asking the Lord to cover it with His blood and wash it and my heart to be white as snow. (White as snow, though my sins were as scarlet, Lord I know. That I’m free and forgiven, by the power of Your love. With faith in You, I know that I can be. White as snow). In my mind, I knew I was forgiven, but I asked the Lord for assurance and encouragement. I received the same this morning through this verse:
Thank You, Lord, for being slow to anger, abounding in mercy and kindness, gracious and compassionate. You have been so gentle with me, Lord. Abba, I cling to You because I do not want these tendencies to resurface. In place of that pride that You have and are still uprooting from my heart, I ask for more of You, Lord. Your Spirit lives in me. Everytime fleshly pride tries to read its ugly head, remind me of how I have been crucified with You, Jesus, therefore I no longer live, because You live in me.
Fill me with more of Your love. Allow me to draw closer to You, Lord. Thank You because greater than my desire to draw closer is Your desire to draw me even closer to You. Yes, You draw me nearer. You hear my cry and save me. Save me from pride and self-confidence, Lord. Thank You for purifying and maturing me, as part of Your bride, Jesus. Amen.