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Retreating into Refuge

Once more, this rings true for me.

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I have known for some time now that God has been trying to teach me about unconditional love through my current marital tests. Last night, I failed so miserably.

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In light of the above, I read the passage below, and realized that I have not been able to demonstrate this kind of love to my husband.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. – 1 Corinthians 13:4‭-‬7 NLT

God loves me this way, and so should I love my husband the way He wants me to. Sadly, I’ve displayed the exact opposite and also disrespected and dishonored him, because of my human limitations in dealing with the hurt of betrayal and daily rejection. However, coping with my hurt is no longer the issue for me. The issue at hand is my heart: will I love my husband the way I am commanded to love him? Will I lead my heart and emotions in line with my choice, in surrender to God?

I just plead and pray for God’s mercy. Repenting, I am asking God for another chance at this. I know I cannot love by my own strength…I have been struggling, trying to wrestle with God to gain control of the steering wheel in this journey.

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And so I retreat right now into God’s presence, in worship, prayer and tears. I feel so weak, I just wait on Him for new strength and hope.

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Praying for a much-needed encouraging word.

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