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On Board

Was so encouraged with this:  https://peacefulwife.com/2013/11/21/he-doesnt-deserve-my-respect/

12. My husband doesn’t love me and is not on board with this marriage.

Sometimes we as wives THINK we know that our husbands feel like this.  Some of us may be right.  But – many of us who believe this is true – are actually wrong.  I sure was!

I was convinced my husband didn’t love me and was far from God and didn’t care if I was there or not.

  • I was wrong – about so many things!

I didn’t understand his heart.  I assumed a lot of evil motives where there were no evil motives.  I didn’t “get” how men think, feel and process emotions.  I expected Greg to be exactly like me.  He’s NOT!  That is a good thing.:)  He did love me.  But he shut down his heart to protect himself from my verbal attacks, disrespect and control.  I interpreted that to mean he didn’t love me.  He was actually just trying to protect himself from me.

Thankfully, even if your husband truly doesn’t love you and is not on board with working on the marriage – that is not a problem for God!

It only takes ONE spouse to have faith in God, to obey Him, to live in the power of His Spirit to open up the flood gates of heaven to pour in the healing power of God into the marriage and into the other spouse.  I have seen God do MANY, MANY miracles in situations like these.

When God is your partner – nothing and no one can stop Him.  Nothing can thwart His plans.  Nothing can take you out of His sovereign hands.  God is able to change people in ways we never could.  God can bring your husband’s heart back to Himself and back to you.  He may want to change you first – to get you out of His way so He can reach your husband.  That’s ok!  God can change people’s feelings.  He can change their convictions.  He holds your husband’s heart in his hand and can change his mind.

So – I am not really worried if your husband isn’t on board.  If he is involved in serious sin – I would encourage you to find appropriate,  godly help.  But if he is shut down emotionally, seems far from God, doesn’t want to touch you or talk to you – that is not a big deal when God is involved.  What I am most concerned about is if you are on board with God.  He is the power source.  If something is His will – that is the important thing!

God loves marriage.  It is a picture of the profound mystery between Christ and the church.  He intends to use our marriages to draw people to Himself.  God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:10-16)

Seek God’s will and His glory with all your heart for your life and your marriage.

  • More than seeking reconciliation for your marriage – seek to please and honor Christ in everything!  If your husband is not a believer, seek to pray for his salvation even if the marriage does not recover.

It is my prayer that God might heal you, your husband and your marriage.  But most of all I pray for God’s greatest glory in your lives.

 


Was also rebuked and encouraged by this:  https://peacefulwife.com/2013/11/20/but-im-right-and-i-am-the-better-leader-i-have-to-be-in-charge/

This marriage thing is not about Mike and Lori.

It is about God.

It is about His kingdom.

It is about His glory.

 


and eto pa:  https://peacefulwife.com/2013/09/06/im-going-to-stop-pursuing-my-husband/

 

I have heard it said, “The only thing worse than a man you can’t control, is a man you can control.”

Now, I am actually really thankful my husband wouldn’t bend to my demands earlier in our marriage. He has a backbone and convictions. Those are good things for a leader to have – to refuse to cave when he doesn’t believe something is right.
THIS IS WHERE A WIFE MUST FACE HER DEEPEST FEARS:
  • What if he really doesn’t love me and never talks to me, touches me, emails me or even stays in the same room with me again?
  • If I don’t constantly tell him what I need and want, how will he know what I want?
  • He doesn’t really care about making me happy at all – now my backing away is just going to prove how unloving he is.
  • I have to give up on my dream marriage if I don’t try to make it work right. I may lose everything that matters to me if I stop trying to control things.

GOOD NEWS:

What most wives don’t realize is – when they take their emotional hands off of their husbands’ emotional throats – and they calm down and just wait – THAT is pretty attractive to most husbands. A calm, gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to hysterical fear attracts God and husbands.

No, there is no guarantee that your husband will be more loving if you stop trying to control him. But – if you continue to try to control him, I can guarantee you he won’t be more loving! God’s way works. He has wisdom that is infinitely higher than our own.:) Men respond much better to respect and a joyful, cooperative attitude, than angry demands.

 

DYING TO SELF IS PAINFUL. TEARING OUT IDOLS IS PAINFUL.

This is a difficult part of the journey – where we must lay down all of our dreams, our wisdom, our plans, our desires, our marriage, our husbands, our future, our happiness… and lay it on the altar before Jesus. We must be willing to give up what we want so much – the things we have wanted more than we wanted Jesus. And it is time to seek His will, His wisdom, His plans, His desires, His priorities and hold everything loosely so that He can give and take whatever He sees is best.

Will we trust God? Or will we continue to trust self – which is idolatry? 

It is a pivotal moment in our spiritual lives and our marriages.

Is God really big enough to meet my needs and take care of me if I trust Him? Is He sovereign enough?

These are questions we must each wrestle through on our own. I am glad to talk with you and encourage you and pray for you as you wrestle through these difficult issues and decide for yourself whether God is worthy of your trust, worship, adoration and total submission to His Lordship or not.

I promise – there is no peace apart from trusting Christ with ALL.

 


 

from: https://peacefulwife.com/2014/03/18/why-isnt-my-husband-more-supportive-of-me-as-i-seek-to-change/

IF A HUSBAND IS EXTREMELY WOUNDED AND/OR SHUT DOWN:
Please picture him as being in the ICU in a hospital bed. Right now, he is barely breathing on his own. Right now, he is barely spiritually conscious. If he is not a believer, he is spiritually dead. Yes, you are hurt, too. Maybe you have a broken leg and a lot of scrapes and scratches. But right now, he can not get up out of that hospital bed and take care of you. He is that spiritually and emotionally critically wounded.
You may have to set aside your needs, even though they are legitimate, and tend to him first. Strangling him spiritually and emotionally will not make him better. It will not make him get up and be strong enough to serve you and take care of you. He’s not doing well right now. Please let Jesus take care of your wounds, and you do anything you can to tend to your husband’s wounds. Or, at the very least, stay out of God’s way so that God can heal him. Sinful words from you right now would just slash his soul apart even more and cause more internal bleeding. I know that isn’t what you want to do. Sometimes, when people are wounded, they lash out.
Please focus on your own walk with Christ and allow Him to work in your heart and get things right with Him – that is the only way any of us can get things right with other people. We need Jesus desperately first and foremost!
Understand that he doesn’t realize what is going on with you right now. He probably doesn’t know how difficult this journey is for you and what a complete overhaul of your entire emotional/spiritual existence this will be. He doesn’t know that this is a long journey. He may think you should just be able to flip a switch and be respectful and understand him. But – this is a process that takes time. It doesn’t come naturally to women! He is hurting and in great pain and distress emotionally and spiritually. He can’t just flip a switch and be more loving either. He has just as long of a journey to learn to become the man God desires him to be as you have to become the woman God desires you to be. He can’t be Christ to you. He can’t meet the needs that only God can meet in your life. Now, I encourage you to set self aside, and cooperate with God to bless this precious brother in the Lord for whom Christ died. How does God want His dear son, your husband, to be treated by you?
—-
from: https://peacefulwife.com/2016/04/25/encouragement-for-those-who-are-in-the-trenches/

A PERSON’S CURRENT FEELINGS,  SINS, WORDS, OR PLANS DO NOT DICTATE WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING

A husband’s feelings are important – so are a wife’s feelings.  But let’s keep the big perspective in mind. If he says he doesn’t love you, he wants a divorce, or he wants to separate, we are looking at a snapshot in time – kind of like one Instagram picture. This is not the whole story. It is not the last page of the book. There is more to be written! While we can respect what our husbands say, and how they are feeling – and while we can respectfully, graciously let them go (spiritually, emotionally, or physically) if they insist on leaving – we can also remember that ultimately our trust is in God and that He is able to change hearts, circumstances, mindsets, desires, and plans.

  • In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9

Because we trust in Christ completely, we are not at the mercy of other people’s plans or changeable feelings. We are not at the mercy of their emotions and decisions. We are not at the mercy of our own feelings or fears. We are in the hands of a sovereign Lord. Yes, people make decisions with their free will. But then, at the same time, God is sovereign and He will use all things to accomplish His good purposes in our lives and for His kingdom as we love and trust Him. So we can’t lose.

We can’t lose, my dear sisters (and brothers)!

  • If something bad happens, I know God will use it for my ultimate good, to strengthen my faith, to draw me closer to Him, to make me more like Jesus, and to accomplish His good purposes.
  • If something good happens, I know God will use it for my ultimate good and to accomplish His good purposes in the end, as well.

I can always stand on my spiritual tiptoes and look beyond the current circumstances in eager anticipation to see all that God will accomplish. I can expect Him to move mountains, change situations, transform my own heart/mind/soul, change others in His timing, and work constantly for His glory and His will to be done. I can wait patiently knowing that God is in control and His timing and wisdom is much higher than my own.

I can hurt when my husband is distant or if he is talking about divorce or if he leaves. I can grieve over that. But then, I can also look to Christ for help and hope, that He will use even this ultimately for good as I trust Him completely. I can focus on Philippians 4:8 kinds of good things. I can focus on praising God and on thanksgiving. I can face my emotions and feel them. Emotions are a gift from God but I am also responsible for how I handle them and I can learn – in the power of the Holy Spirit – to handle them rightly and without sin. I can allow myself to experience hurt, sadness, anger, fear… but then I can hash through my difficult emotions and lay them before God and entrust them to Him. I don’t have to be ruled by my emotions. My marriage is not to be built on my emotions, but on Christ and His truth. I am not a slave to feelings. I can take my thoughts captive as I process my emotions and feelings. I can even experience God’s supernatural peace and joy as I trust everything to Him and focus on God’s goodness, sovereignty, love, and Lordship in my life! Even in the trials.

4. GOD WILL USE THIS TRIAL ON A GRAND SCALE

God has something much bigger in mind than just to work good in your own life from the bad things that happen and the trials and suffering you endure as a believer in Christ. Yes, He will use it ultimately for your good and His glory in your life if you are living for Him and you love Him and you are yielding to Christ as Lord. But He also will use it to bless the Body of Christ and His kingdom. There is a much larger picture going on than we can possibly realize in the midst of our trials.

I had no idea that God would use my most painful trials to reach thousands of people around the world for Christ. But as we walk through these times of testing and suffering, and as God refines our faith and causes us to grow strong in our walk with Him – He uses our stories and our testimony to build the faith of others, to encourage others, and to teach others – and set an example.

What you are experiencing now that is so painful – may well be the very thing that convinces many people in the future to trust in Christ in the midst of their painful trials – because they see that your faith was tested and that God was victorious. God may use your story to inspire many others to walk in obedience and faith, trusting Him and yielding fully to Him as Lord.

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