Entire weekend, husband was just on his computer from waking up to sleeping, after his Ate left. Di makikipag-usap kung di mo kakausapin. Break lang to eat, to watch a movie with me (mga piratang pelikula, kasi i asked if he’d like to watch, so nag-compliance naman), for church and dinner. But all the time, as if super busy working. Kesyo dami raw deadlines. Then I called up his office ngayon kasi may pagkain na nakalimutan namin in his car. Ayun, nabuko na nanonood lang pala ng NBA with his officemates. So nag-busy-busy-han nung weekend, para di makapag-spend ng time with me, tapos excuse na busy ngayon pero di naman pala.
Last night, was trying to talk to him about emotional availability…with a spill-over talk this morning. Deadma with all sorts of excuses. Kesyo inaantok, etc. Di ka talaga makahanap ng tamang timing sa taong yon. Wala ring magandang paraan. Ke sulat, ke lambing, ke pagalit. Regardless of timing. Same effect lahat: wala.
Oh well, what do I expect after all this? Tama nga naman. I should be silent na lang kasi wala rin naman akong mahihita rito. Napapagod lang ako, sumasakit lang puso ko.
Pero, Lord, paano naman ako? I feel so unloved, neglected and hopeless too. Kayo na po bahala sa akin kasi nahihirapan na po ako.
I guess I should be happy na that somehow, we got to squeeze some time in…that he agreed to go out with me for dinner last night.
Sigh. Palimos ng pag-ibig.