Uncategorized

Limbo

In my 37 years on this earth, I’ve made 4 life-changing decisions: (1) to accept Christ as Lord and Savior and continuously lay down my life, layer upon layer, at His feet, in surrender; (2) marry my husband; (3) choose Business Administration and Accountancy as my undergraduate course; and (4) decide to go to law school. The first 2, were totally out of my own will and volition; as for the latter 2, I cannot really say so. No surprise that the latter 2 relate to the topic of this post.

Eve since I could remember, my dad and maternal grandfather (an accountant and frustrated lawyer) convinced me that the legal profession is simply the best profession in the world. Not only is it the most respected in (Philippine) society, but I was told that it came with monetary perks – a capability to bring food to the table. I was told that I had the writing, analytical, argumentation and oral skills to boot, which would make me a better lawyer than my dad, who himself, was considered by his peers as a brilliant one. And so, despite my varied interests as a teen-ager, I did not seriously envision myself other than as a lawyer. Such that even when I became a sales manager, I sought to pursue legal studies, mostly just thinking of the respect and prestige it brings, as well as claiming membership in in the profession to be my birth right. By God’s grace, I passed the Philippine bar exams in a single take after 5 years as a working law student.

As for my undergraduate course, my dad literally chose it for me. Wanting to please him and having been convinced that it is the route towards success, I ticked the box next to the course on my college entrance exam form. By God’s grace, I made it to the cut of one of the most sought after courses in my country’s premier state university, was sustained for 5 years in college and passed the CPA board exams at my first take. The course became a springboard, not just for my first job, but also to pursue the field of taxation when I eventually became a lawyer. Typically CPA lawyers are designated by default to specialize in taxation…and I thought  was a good thing for me, who always wanted to have a niche. The accounting and business background was definitely a plus in pursuing the field.
Which brings us to present day: 2016, on my 7th year of being a tax lawyer, when I am now asking myself these questions:

1. Do I actually like what I’m doing?

2. Is this really what I’m supposed to do, in line with God’s purposes for my life?

3. What am I truly passionate about and interested in? How can I discover such?

4.I believe that God wants me to be a person of influence; but what influence in particular am I supposed to wield? In what field can I make the most impact, and on whom should that impact be made? Where should such impact be made?

5. Are my law and accounting degrees for nought? How can I still make use of them if it turns out that taxation is not the field for me?

6. If taxation is the field for me, am I to practice it here, in a tax landscape that can be filled with compromise? How can I be a successful Christian tax lawyer? Is there even such an animal?

I have no answers. Lord, help me. Please reveal Your heart about this matter. I desperately want to be aligned with You, especially in this time and season. Amidst all these, I claim Your promise of plans to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future and that Your gifts and Your call are irrevocable. Because You are sovereign, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven over me, my heart, vocation, life and affairs. In Jesus’ name, amen!

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