Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You so much for blessing me with a wonderful mother and a day to celebrate her and all of the wonderful mothers in the world. Last week, a friend shared a mother’s day greeting on her wall. It was a video clip of moms meeting their babies for the first time. I found myself crying, although I couldn’t really relate to the emotions they felt. I guess I cried because I found myself wondering how they felt and whether I will be privileged enough to feel the same, as well.
Abba, I know I can be perfectly honest with You. Mother’s Day somewhat makes me feel uncomfortable. I again tried this year to go beyond this feeling, tried to greet mothers all over and celebrate them. I was doing find yesterday, but this morning, the sentiments arose again. So I write You to address them. For years I have been battling with this feeling, as the day and its festivities. From “what, me? A mother?”, now that I embrace the concept of motherhood, I flinch as I am implicitly reminded of what I’m not…YET. (By faith, I append that three-letter word)
Oh Lord, I’ve prayed and been prayed for so many times, the last being last Saturday. I’ve received so many words that Mike and I will be biological parents. Regardless of what I feel right now (I choose not to listen to it nor naysayers), I choose to stubbornly cling to this promise in Your word.
Though it be years, now a decade in the making, I cling to that promise in your word…my hope is in You, Lord. Your promises will come to pass. I am reminding my soul to hope in You, and fully surrender the desire to rear my own children to You.
I refuse to give in to pagtatampo to You, because knowing You, Lord, You always have something up Your sleeve. You are a big God, You are bigger than all of this. Besides, I really have no one else to go to. You alone have the words of life, and You alone can breathe the breath of life into my womb. After all we’ve been through, why should I give up now, when we’re so near the finish line! And yet, I do acknowledge how I feel, but at the same time give all of my emotions to You – all longings, hopes, fears, even pagtatampo re: the seeming delay to You. I know You understand and You hear me. You have heard me from Day 1, and chuckle not because You delight in my despair, but delight in my joy in You, especially when Your promises come to pass. When they do, I know it will just be a joyful time. So even now, Lord, I choose Your joy.
You said, Lord, that we do not have because we do not ask, so point blank once more and this time, in writing, claiming Your promise: I ask for biological children for my husband and me. I ask for a joyful family, centered on You, Jesus. Thank You because I know that You hear me, and because You have begun to work on this, by restoring my marriage. You are a God who is faithful to complete the good work You have begun. So thank You, Lord! I praise You! 👏👏👏
I know You hear me and that this letter will reach Your eyes and heart, just like Hannah’s petitions did. And yet, like Habakkuk, should the fig tree not bud, yet, I shall praise You, oh Lord my Savior. Your Presence in my life is better than anything else. Whatever the outcome, because I have You in me and with me, it will always be better than what I expected, asked for or imagined.