Outing Depression in the Broken Road that I’ve Taken

A former direct report asked me some Qs about depression. Candidly and unashamedly, I replied that it is no stranger to me. I can very much relate to the feeling of waking up and not having energy to do anything. I remember wanting to just sleep all day and not wanting to wake up because I felt that it was the same old drill – I felt that I did not have much to look forward to or be excited about.

Pressured by my father’s memory to perform very well in law school, I was merely an average student performing below my expectations [despite my dad’s efforts to prepare me to be a lawyer, since I was 5 (! exag ang dad ko) and utmost efforts I exerted while in law school – I think my blockmates can attest that I was fairly studious]. To say I was not my happiest in my 5 years as a working law student, despite my then-flourishing extra-curricular pursuits, is an understatement.  Year in and year out, I second-guessed my decision to turn my back on a promising career to go to law school.  This is why I can relate to this article.


I realize now that I needed to go through all that because amidst the sadness, I found joy and strength in God anew (not in any achievement nor career plan)…or rather, He found me. Some need professional help to climb out of the pits of depression. For me, what worked (and still does!) is honesty before the Lord (of where I’m at) and daily dependence on Him, the Joy of my Salvation. My turning point was when I  realized that I mostly felt the way I did because I wanted to be in control, which I was never really meant to have. I started to become happier as I yielded control to Him and allowed Him to steer my course, instead of being led by my feelings and limited understanding. In a nutshell, I allowed God to take His rightful place as Lord of my life, beyond mere religion. I am still on this journey. God, alone, helps me overcome the daily battles. Only in Him am I victorious. 🙂


As law schools proliferate, employment prospects have correspondingly diminished.

The pressure to achieve is great and he suspects a majority of undergraduates are engaged simultaneously in study and some form of paid employment, leaving them short of time and subject to serious levels of stress…

Burnside highlights the dissonance between the idealism that attracts many to law school and the reality of big law firms. “Many, including the brightest and the best, see their earlier ideals looking more naïve, more unachievable.”…

With today’s technology, he says the demands to be available and respond to clients, the courts and other lawyers have never been stronger.

“We used to have snail mail. It was expected that the advice would take a week to deliver. Now it is expected you will respond to an email within minutes. Add to this the invention of smartphones, and lawyers are available almost 24 hours a day.


The above notwithstanding, I am returning to where I first began my career. What a crazy, confusing journey it has been…but the Lord was able to make sense of it all. (Come to think of it, if I hadn’t taken that 11-year detour, I probably wouldn’t have met my husband and my life would just be unimaginable.) Indeed, God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. May He bless the broken road that led me back (and all the people I’ve met along the way), after more than a decade.

For now, am just praying that I could get some shut-eye asap (Been trying to sleep for more than 4 hours now!). Could this be excitement of the new chapter which unfolds tomorrow?

We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.- Romans 8:28 AMP



From the Inside Out

Senti Sabado! A HS batchmate shared the photo on the left today. The photo on the right was taken yesterday. Thank God I grew up!!! Hahaha.


Seriously, I used to have very low self-confidence and thought I was ugly. Out of self-pity I’d cry as I compared myself with almost every girl in school, thinking that they were all prettier than me. I guess it shows in the left photo.

Only a revelation that God loves me so much that Jesus gave His life for me, that I was made in His image and likeness and that I am beautiful especially in His eyes changed me – first from the inside then flowing to the outside (I hope it’s obvious that the change flowed to the outside. Haha).

Occasionally, the old thoughts would still cross my mind, but now I know that they’re lies. Sometimes, admittedly, I’d swing to the other end of the pendulum and succumb to narcissism. But by God’s grace, I cling to the truth in His word – I am.beautiful because He made me in His image and likeness, and the more time I spend time with Him, the more I behold Him, and grow in Christlikeness, the more I become beautiful – changed from glory to glory. It’s a beauty though that’s not my own, such that I cannot boast, for I merely radiate His beauty. Such a nice perk of drawing even more closer to Him, right?

And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Cheers to growing in God’s grace! 🙂

A Recap of 2007 (a survey from grai)

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
– get engaged
– get married
– do a donna cruz number in front of the UP Law student body

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
– let’s just say i make resolutions as i go along, not just in time for the New Year

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
– no.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
– My grandmother…11 days before my wedding. 

5. What countries did you visit?
– Wala.  To think my passport expired and I haven’t renewed it yet.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
– A stronger relationship with God (din)
– More money
– More time

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
– December 17, 2007 – the day i got married!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
– nosingle remarkable achievement yata…it’s a daily (sometimes tiring) grind of juggling multiple priorities and trying to be excellent in all of them

9. What was your biggest failure?
– relationships with my family members are not that good

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
– just the normal occassional flu, nothing serious

11. What was the best thing you bought?
– my husband and i bought a high-tech wifi router last week!  and a brown leather couch which still has to be delivered.  we love those purchases.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
— mike’s hehe 😉

13. Whose behaviour appalled you and made you depressed?
– some members of my family (malamang ako rin para sa kanila)

14. Where did most of your money go?
– on our wedding!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
– getting married

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
– probably “Two Words” and “Built to Last”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? –> happier, definitely

ii. thinner or fatter? –> same lang yata

iii. richer or poorer? –> i dunno

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
– more understanding. more sensitivity to other people’s needs / feelings / quirks

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
– less worrying, less negative reactions

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
– quality time with mike (it’s our first christmas as husband & wife)

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
– still am in love

23. How many one-night stands?
– this should have been a 2002 question

24. What was your favourite TV program?
– marimar (haha, baduy)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
– hate is such a strong word. (ditto)

26. What was the best book you read?
– i’ve read a lot of books but none of them actually stands out from the rest. haha.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
– NU 107 (didn’t listen to it before)

28. What did you want and get?
– a simple, intimate, no-frills yet heart-warming and elegant wedding…

29. What did you want and not get?
– …that was planned according to how i pictured it to be planned
– for my grandmother to still be alive to see me walk down the aisle

30. Favorite film of this year?
– hmmm….ano nga ba?  ewan

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
– nagmukmok kasi mike was stuck in dos palmas for a work trip.
– had a simple celebration with my family
– turned 28

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
– i dunno…i would say it worked out for the best, i learned a lot of lessons.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
– simple

34. What kept you sane?
– friends especially my closest friends in law school, mike, God

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
– oh ji ho

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
– madami eh!  halos lahat

37. Who did you miss?
– lately, my grandmother

38. Who was the best new person you met?
– i dunno

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
– think before you act…be more loving.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“In a while, in a word, you & i forever changed…” (yeah, forever changed indeed!)


funny journal entries

i discovered some of my 6th grade diaries and here are 2 entries that top the list of “my funniest journal entries”:

ENTRY # 1:

9:10 p.m.

Dear Diary,

I’ve already packed my things. I decided to run away. My mom (her again) let me lose my privilege (?) of using the phone, spanked me and won’t let me go to the trip! My crush & I will surely miss each other! And worse, I’m at home, doing nothing (I can’t use the phone) while they (including my bestfriends) are having so much fun! See the contrast? And even if I can use the phone, I won’t have anybody to talk to. I’ll certainly die of boredom & a broken heart. Ok. I’m disobedient. So very, very disobedient. but who can understand me here? My mom? My dad? My sister, aunt & helper? Nobody at all. So I have to use the telephone…

(as if naman pag di ako makagamit ng phone, mamatay na ako…)

Entry # 2:

If anyone finds this when I’m already dead, please give them to my parents.


I, Lorybeth Rugay Baldrias, being totally (in)sane, do give these things to the most important and beloved people in my life, namely:

To my father, my pictures, tapes and photo albums
To my mother, my bible and my friends’ secrets
To my sister, Lee-Ann, my clothes and dolls
To my aunts, certificates and awards
To Benjamin, all of my journals and songhits
To my cousin James, all of my gameboards & other toys
To Likha, my report cards, books, notebooks and bags
To Xandra, my accesories (wrong spelling) like belts, headbands, necklaces, watches, bracelets & earings
To Leilani, my study table
To Christine Misajon wherever she is, my bed & pillows
To MaryRose Velmonte & Jemn Gamboa, my bookshelf & glasses respectively
To Psyche, my autographs.

And now, having disposed of my valuable property I hope all will be satisfied and not blame the dead. I forgive everyone and may we all meet during the everlasting life when the trumpets will finally sound. Amen.

To this will and testament I set my hand and seal on this 25th day of November Anni Domino 1991.


Lorybeth Rugay Baldrias


Likha Cuevas (signed)

Mikel Faigmane (signed)

Before I forget. The last one who signed here will be the one to open my real will.


Suggested Careers for ESTJs like me

So I am an ESTJ…I guess that pretty much figures how & why I operate like this (I’m kinda always like in a flurry of activity yet I’d like to believe that I’m a people person too). 🙂 My blockmate, Benj, actually told me the other day that he thinks I am so corporate…I think he got annoyed at how I tend to delve into the nitty-gritties whenever a project comes along (haha, coz I was making a fuss about how I envisioned the sign-up sheet for Law Christian Fellowship to look like).

Do people sometimes see me as bossy? I don’t know. (You tell me) For one thing, if there’s something which has to be done, but I could sense that a person whom I was thinking of asking for help doesn’t really want to do “the favor”, I respect that & cease bugging him/her about it. Kung ayaw eh di wag, I’m not the type to make pilit naman eh. So, I think I’m far from being a despot (or maybe I actually am bossy, but I just get away with it because of my voice, which kinda sounds like a kid’s…and I always try to be diplomatically correct & I try to make lambing. haha!). In defense of myself (ok, I admit, I’m being defensive here), it’s just that I dislike disorder, especially when there’s a more efficient & effective way of going about with things; and I don’t really have a high regard for laziness – actually, I can’t stand moments of not doing anything at all. I have to do something! (even something as non-sensical as a friendster survey). Nor am I comfortable with happy-go-lucky attitudes…not that I am a prude. It’s just that I think there’s more to life than just having fun. (Just like all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, all play makes Jack a lazy moron).

Anyway, in this site I visited, I’m just happy that “corporate financial attorney” is among the professions that fit the ESTJ…(big, big grin!). At least, I’m not in the wrong path, after all. For other folks out there who think that they may be ESTJs too, check this out:

ESTJs generally have the following traits:
• Natural leaders – they like to be in charge
• Value security and tradition
• Loyal
• Hard-working and dependable
• Athletic and wholesome (actually, I’m not really sure about the athletic part for me)
• Have a clear set of standards and beliefs which they live by
• No patience with incompetence or inefficiency
• Excellent organizational abilities
• Enjoy creating order and structure
• Very thorough
• Will follow projects through to completion
• Straight-forward and honest
• Driven to fulfill their duties

ESTJs have a lot of flexibility in the types of careers that they choose. They are good at a lot of different things, because they put forth a tremendous amount of effort towards doing things the right way. They will be happiest in leadership positions, however, because they have a natural drive to be in charge. They are best suited for jobs which require creating order and structure.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ESTJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Great careers for ESTJs

Here are just a few popular and often satisfying careers for people whose Personality Type is ESTJ.
• Business executive
• Military officer
• Chief Information Officer
• Sports merchandise sales
• Paralegal
• Real estate agent
• Budget analyst
• Administrator: health care
• Database manager
• Corporate financial attorney
• Pharmacist
• Credit counselor
• Insurance agent
• Teacher: trade, industrial, technical
• Property manager


I Am an ESTJ

Portrait of an ESTJ – Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
(Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Sensing)

The Guardian

As an ESTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESTJs live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts.

ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn’t meeting their standards. But at least their expressions can be taken at face-value, because the ESTJ is extremely straight-forward and honest.

The ESTJ is usually a model citizen, and pillar of the community. He or she takes their commitments seriously, and follows their own standards of “good citizenship” to the letter. ESTJ enjoys interacting with people, and likes to have fun. ESTJs can be very boisterous and fun at social events, especially activities which are focused on the family, community, or work.

The ESTJ needs to watch out for the tendency to be too rigid, and to become overly detail-oriented. Since they put a lot of weight in their own beliefs, it’s important that they remember to value other people’s input and opinions. If they neglect their Feeling side, they may have a problem with fulfilling other’s needs for intimacy, and may unknowingly hurt people’s feelings by applying logic and reason to situations which demand more emotional sensitivity.

When bogged down by stress, an ESTJ often feels isolated from others. They feel as if they are misunderstood and undervalued, and that their efforts are taken for granted. Although normally the ESTJ is very verbal and doesn’t have any problem expressing themself, when under stress they have a hard time putting their feelings into words and communicating them to others.

ESTJs value security and social order above all else, and feel obligated to do all that they can to enhance and promote these goals. They will mow the lawn, vote, join the PTA, attend home owners association meetings, and generally do anything that they can to promote personal and social security.

The ESTJ puts forth a lot of effort in almost everything that they do. They will do everything that they think should be done in their job, marriage, and community with a good amount of energy. He or she is conscientious, practical, realistic, and dependable. While the ESTJ will dutifully do everything that is important to work towards a particular cause or goal, they might not naturally see or value the importance of goals which are outside of their practical scope. However, if the ESTJ is able to see the relevance of such goals to practical concerns, you can bet that they’ll put every effort into understanding them and incorporating them into their quest for clarity and security.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Extraverted Thinking
Auxiliary: Introverted Sensing
Tertiary: Extraverted Intuition
Inferior: Introverted Feeling


You like to roll up your sleeves, dig in and go right at getting the job done. you use logic and analysis as guiding principles in your life. You’re quick to decide and set out a plan of action. You make sure commitments (your own and those of others) are honored and the job gets done.

You value team sports, and other group activities. If something is the tradition of your job or school, you’ll take part in it. You know that you have to “earn your keep” and take responsibility for yourself…you take your roles seriously (father, employee, student, or whatever).

You learn best in structured settings…you’re a take charge kinda person.. you can deliver when there’s a specific task with deadlines…you have an orderly and logical way of evaluating things..

You like a task-oriented and structured atmosphere…you get a thrill outta accomplishments and just having finished something…efficiency is important to you….with you, “what you see is what you get.”

You are the prototypical leader. You give advice freely, you take charge, you wanna fix the problems…you are quick, direct, and crisp at getting to the core of the situation…others might look at you as tough, driven, or heartless, though..

You put work before pleasure, and know when to do which…fun time is often seen as a reward for accomplishing a task…you know that you should post on the Storm Palace message base before playing the games….right? :)… you don’t just go for walks.. the walk hasta have a purpose…

Love means stability and steadfastedness…however, when you fall in love, this is pretty much the only time you’ll be flexible and spontaneous… you expect security and loyalty in relationships…you logically expect that a relationship will have its ups and downs, so let the other person weather the tough times, when you should be helping perhaps…you don’t like to let others see your hurt feelings….you’re supersensitive to being rejected and may not always share that hurt…

Things to watch for: you might decide too quickly and to form opinions how things “ought to get done.” But what happens when circumstances change? Also, don’t walk on others feelings…it’s part of working with others and you don’t particularly consider this part often…when you get emotional and you’ve been holding stuff inside, a seemingly minor incident will set off an explosion…don’t forget to consider others’ values and opinions.

ESTJ: “Execution Saves The Job”


ESTJ Relationships

ESTJs are very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their obligations and duties, especially those towards their families. Their priorities generally put God first, family second, and friends third. They put forth a tremendous amount of effort to meet their obligations and duties, according to their priorities. They are dedicated and committed to their relationships, which they consider to be lifelong and unalterable. They like to be in charge, and may be very controlling of their mates and children. They have high esteem for traditions and institutions, and expect that their mates and children will support these as well. They have little patience and need for dealing with people who see things very differently from the ESTJ.

ESTJ Strengths

• Generally enthusiastic, upbeat and friendly
• Stable and dependable, they can be counted on to promote security for their families
• Put forth a lot of effort to fulfill their duties and obligations
• Responsible about taking care of day-to-day practical concerns around the house
• Usually good (albeit conservative) with money
• Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
• Interested in resolving conflict, rather than ignoring it
• Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
• Able to move on after a relationship breaks up
• Able to administer discipline when necessary

ESTJ Weaknesses

• Tendency to believe that they are always right
• Tendency to need to always be in charge
• Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
• Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
• Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
• May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
• Tendency to be materialistic and status-conscious
• Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories


How to Spot ESTJs:
• hearty, business-like energy
• decisive, logical decision makers
• direct, no nonsense and practical
• conservative, functional dressers

Tips for Communicating with ESTJs:
• Be assertive and to the point (bottom line it!)
• Be prepared to support your ideas with logical reasons
• Appeal to their innate sense of fairness