Picnic with THE Boss

The dream:  I was in a picnic with my boss, and we shared a toast with a goblet of wine each. (End of dream)

I had a happy feeling when I woke up. I felt some release over an issue I was struggling with in the past 4 days. ūüėä

Interpretation:

  • Inputs

My boss represents God the Father and God the Son

Wine represents the Holy Spirit

I believe it’s also no accident that the song currently playing on my spotify playlist, as I type is this (and that my current spotify playlist contains songs about the power of the blood of Jesus):

  • Summary:

The dream is an invitation to intimacy from the Triune God.  God intends and desires casual and relaxed fellowship with me, a pleasurable and personal communion.  It is an invitation to a place of intimacy with the Father and Jesus, where He reveals His secrets.  His leadership over me is natural (flowing) and spiritual (powerful, in the spirit).  In this communion, the Holy Spirit releases the overflowing oil of joy (the joy of my salvation, of taking refuge in Him), a table of prosperity / plenty, and blessings in the presence of my enemies: a heavy heart (under the deception and influence / condemnation of  the spirit of religion, which is but a substitute for God that leads to the wrath for fornication with the world).  His blood has changed my story.  He wants to assure me of His promise that I shall taste and see His goodness, in the land of the living and beyond. Thank God for His grace!

Yes, I want this, Lord, this intimate fellowship with You, for more of You, is the desire of my heart.  Thank You for Your blood, Jesus, that redeems, that has changed my story.  Every sin, every scar, covered now by the blood of Jesus, reaching far, reaching wide every place I tried to hide! Your goodness, Your mercy, Your loving-kindness endures forever, Lord!  Thank You for fighting for me.  I claim Your victory. 

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Dreams Galore

For 2 consecutive nights, I’ve had a smorgasbord of dreams:

Tues Night – Wed Morning

1. I was back in Highschool with James Goll as my literature teacher, and taking an essay exam on a blue book. The test had 2 questions. I was able to answer question 2 on the bluebook, while question 1 was a response to a book of his (or excerpts thereof). I made notes on the book and dissected the content, but wasn’t able to write down my answers in the blue book. When I left the exam, as I was talking with classmates, I realized that I wasn’t able to transfer my answers to Q1 on the bluebook. I wasn’t following instructions. I wanted to find James Goll to ask him for consideration.

(In real life, I purchased James Goll’s book on becoming a Prophetic Intercessor. I’m on Day 3…for 2 weeks now. It has questions, I haven’t been answering them on a separate sheet of paper. Could that dream be an instruction / reminder for me to do so?

Yesterday, I repented for “forgetting” to grow in my study of prophetic intercession)

2. I was in a photocopier shop that was white all over. While transacting at the counter, I was told that I have pretzels to claim as prize, but just needed to present my BPI ATM card. I brought out the ATM cards in my wallet. They were all under my husband’s name. I couldn’t find mine. I asked for consideration. The lady agreed and said, anyway, they knew me and knew that I had a BPI ATM card. They will give me consideration this time around, but will require the BPI ATM card for the next freebie.

(In real life, I have 3 BPI ATM cards all under my name. 

Impression: prayer in Jesus’ name is the access pass to claiming God’s freebies. It may be what the ATM card represents, since dreams 1 & 2 seem to be about prayer. Could it be that I’ve been praying more for my husband, but need to pray for myself too?)

3. I was sleeping and hugging a white stuffed toy that looked like the owl from Harry Potter. I was sleeping soundly in a double bed, anticipation of a reunion with one of my HS bestfriends the following day. The owl moved away from me, and I transferred to another bed, a single bed this time.

(In the book, Divinity Code, owl means:

Since it was a white owl, could it be wisdom or loner? 

Btw, bed appears to mean:

From agreement to single, with the loss of wisdom…could this be a warning?)

Wed Night – Thurs morning

4. The dream is a little hazy now, but it involved the following elements:

  • My gay ex in HS (back when he was a boy). In the dream, he was trying to pursue me, dropping me clues here and there. I recall clues such as a locker with a rose and a newspaper article.
  • Another HS friend named, Marco, was being used as the “bridge”. Then, Marco was kidnapped.
  • Authorities were trying to connect me the kidnapping.

(I woke up in the middle of the night from this dreak, once more renouncing any ties with the past. Since I wrote a testimony about what happened to me last year, pains from that season have been resurfacing. I needed to consciously make an effort to tell it to go away and say that it’s over now.¬†


Btw, I looked up the name, Marco:

)

5. I was in a police precint, innocently answering questions on a car loan granted to me (q.1) and transpo allowance given (q.2). My husband was telling me not to answer, but I proceeded. The officer probed deeper into why a duplicate privilege was given to me. I was already getting suspicious.

I was then asked a 3rd question: does your mother still receive grants from the government? I refused to answer, saying it had nothing to do with me anymore. I asked, why am I being pinned down and accused here?

(The other day, my husband was telling me about being uncomfortable in ministries that are make him feel condemned. Could dreams 4 and 5 be a warning about that?

The feeling I had after the dream was: so this is how my husband feels when he is being interrogated: like he is being accused, even if it were far from the truth. )

6. I was the passenger of a friend named Sherwin. We were driving along the seaside and needed to go to another island through a bridge. But he took a left term and made the car (an Innova) jump through the fence into the sea. I was scared. Amazingly, we didn’t drown and he continued driving for a bit. The car entered a bigger ship. He told me that he knew what he was doing and that I shouldn’t have been afraid.

When I went down the ship, there was a photo being taken. I had to join. Some people who were supposed to be in the photo were missing. Some of them were my college friends, and Marco (a high school friend).

(As I was praying about what the dreams mean, this dream was highlighted to me. I looked up the name Sherwin. It means: 

Could it be that the Holy Spirit wants to take me for a ride, and from a 1:1 ministry with Him, make me join other people with a similar ministry, and that He wants to shortcut the process?)

In all these, I believe God is reminding me to be aware of His Presence and fix my thoughts on Him, knowing that He loves me with an everlasting love. With this in mind, I believe that He will reveal more.

Bread vs Cake

The other day, I woke up to a dream. It’s a bit hazy now, but what I do remember was this: I had a choice between pieces of bread (pan de sal) and a small cake. 

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I just realized this morning what it means. It could have been a reminder of the choice between Christ versus the flesh. 

God can also be assuring me that: when you choose Me, as you press into, and chew on My Word, delighting in Me and pursuing My righteousness, behold My provision. My Word and My ways are inseparable. 

I am reminded of the message last night in Windwatch Makati on how riches follows as a natural consequence of pursuing God’s righteousness above all else. 

The message led me to remember and repent from the times when, in the face of decision-making, instead of asking, “what will please You, Lord?”, top of mind was “which is the better alternative, Lord?”. While both questions sought the Lord’s counsel, the focus and premise of one question differed from the other.  The first question focused on delighting in the Lord and delighting Him (yes, we are accepted in Him, but bringing Him pleasure and delight is another thing). On the other hand, the focus of the second was more of self. It was a Christian way of asking: what’s better (or in it) for me?

This encouragement is so precious to me at a time when my husband is in between jobs (making me the sole income earner), and aside from the normal bills, we have amortizations and credit card bills to pay. 

This situation is no stranger to us, as we have experienced something similar 8 years ago. Also, after my dad died, I remember times when I had barely enough. Through those, God provided. Otherwise, I wouldn’t even be where I am right now. 

If God was faithful then, and even in the olden times, how could He, faithful through the ages, not be faithful now? Selah. 

And such a great prayer here:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155238415126893&id=18332376892

Inner Strength 

For two consecutive nights, I woke up to warning dreams with themes of being depleted of strength and resources by the enemy. But thank God for giving me words about rest, reminding myself of my identity in Christ and being intentional about intimacy with God through yesterday’s Windwatch. This morning, when I woke up feeling the blahs, those words were the first thing I heard.  The Lord prepared me and armed me for warfare through rest. 


Dream 1
:

The WoW women, together with Pastor Gab, our spiritual father, were in a circle, lying down. As I was still doing something, Eya called me to come and join. As we approached the circle, I noticed a black figure to my right, which suddenly just drained me of strength. 

When I woke up, I noticed that the cramps I had the other day were gone (the cramps felt like I was either going to have my period or about to have a miscarriage). Some pregnancy-related symptoms I had been feeling for a week also disappeared. I then took a pregnancy test, which gave a negative result.  The enemy used that as an opportunity to whisper thoughts of unbelief and hopelessness. All day long, I battled in prayer. Until I received a word through the Windwatch caregroup: enter into God’s rest. 

Let us therefore be zealous and exert ourselves and strive diligently to enter that rest [of God, to know and experience it for ourselves], that no one may fall or perish by the same kind of unbelief and disobedience [into which those in the wilderness fell]. – Hebrews 4:11 AMPC

As I was reading, the Holy Spirit made me realize what He was telling me through the verse and Dream 1: we are commanded to be zealous, exert ourselves and strive diligently to enter into God’s rest. In other words, be intentional about resting in the Lord. Resist drowning in circumstances (like business) or reliance on your own wisdom. Instead, intently draw to God’s rest-giving Presence and Words, especially as tests or the enemy tries to throw things at you to drain you of your strength. Entering into and staying in His rest is key to not collapsing into unbelief and disobedience.  Remember and go back to the rest He has given you

Dream 2:

I was in a parched park (or was it a garden or field that looked like it needed water in the heat of summer?) with a lot of people. There were a few dance numbers and there was a point when I danced with a group, then I proceeded to continue going around and share the Gospel and ministering to people. There was a lady who accepted Christ and we baptised her on the spot, sprinkling her with water. When I sat down to eat, 3 figures in white (one of them was my ex, again!) were bothering me. In the next scene, I was Karylle, the singer, and was being chased by vampires. One bit me all over, reducing me to a Nick Vjuvic-like figure. A lady who was my nurse took me and placed me in my mother’s (Zsazsa Padilla’) arms. A demon suddenly showed up very near my face, and intimidating me, said “I am your father.” I resisted him with all the strength I had. Then I woke up. 

When I woke up, I felt some hardness and unbelief in my heart, which I knew wasn’t of me. I refused to listen to it. Remembering the word shared yesterday, I reminded myself of my identity in Christ and sang in the spirit. It made all the difference and gave me a boost, strengthening me in my inner man. 

I turned to my electronic Bible and read the verse for the day:

But none of these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from [which was entrusted to me by] the Lord Jesus, faithfully to attest to the good news (Gospel) of God’s grace (His unmerited favor, spiritual blessing, and mercy). – Acts 20:24 AMPC

Such a timely word! It reminded me of dream #2, where despite intimidation from the enemy and even despite harm to my body, I was resolute in resisting him, and staying the course. I was able to resist because I knew whose I am and who I am in Him. The realization infused fresh joy into my spirit

Upon reading, I was reminded of a rhema a few weeks ago as we were soaking to prepare for the WoW retreat: to be steady and unmoved in the Lord, be rooted in His love, with Jesus as your anchor

May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality]. May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it]; [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]! – Ephesians 3:16‚Ä≠-‚Ĩ19 AMPC

Through the verses, I was reminded about the importance of being infused with inner strength. Where to get this? In God’s rest.

And so rest in the Lord, oh my soul. Get refueled with inner strength by His Spirit. With such inner strength, Christ dwells permanently in your heart. It takes such inner strength to also trust Him in whatever circumstance. Armed with such trust, be rooted deeper in God’s love. When you are deeply rooted, knowing you are His beloved, you become steady and unmoved. That is your identity in Jesus..ultimately, You are His beloved. Refuse to listen to the enemy’s lies. Avert your gaze to Jesus; lend your ear to His voice of peace. Be rested, steady and unmoved, bask in His love for you…and you will be infused with a fresh dose of His power and strength so you can finish His course with joy. #notetoself #encourageyourselfintheLord

Torn Flesh

This morning, I awoke to a dream, through which the Lord seems to signal that the awaited time for restoration of an important, yet sadly fractured, relationship in my life is drawing near.

Dream:

I went home from festivities (Tata, one of the WoW ladies and Kuh Ledesma were there). The following day, I was supposed to be with and eat with my mom. I put on my pants. My pants were loose in the waist that I had to tighten them.  I thought I lost weight significantly, and it made me gloat.
After eating at a messy restaurant with good food, we went back home. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized that my pants were loose, not because I lost weight, but because flesh in the right side of my waist was eaten and infected. My mom and I went to the hospital. It took a long time before we can be attended by the doctor who only treated it superficially and said we needed to go back for my operation asap. 

I was in pain so I told people at law school and in the office that I needed to rest. The school was white and light all over. My tranny ex boyfriend was again there, but as a guy. I bid him goodbye. He told me he wouldn’t know what to do if he lost me. The law school professors (Ma’m Beth and Sir Labitag) were talking about my wound and how I could have gotten it. 

Meanwhile, I wanted treatment for my torn and wounded flesh because I was in pain, behind my shirt. I was concerned that it would spread, but it seemed contained. I kept on wandering in a small deserted town to go to a gathering, where I saw my Dad’s cousins, among whom Tito Rollie was most memorable.  

I woke up. I still feel a slight tinge of pain on my right side. 

Interpretation: 

Holy Spirit show me what the dream means

  • Festivities = WoW retreat with sisters in Christ.
  • Home with my Mom = setting of where the issue is: original family
  • Tightened jeans = thought it was desirable at first, but in reality, it wasn’t 
  • Mirror = God’s word made me realize there was a wound
  • Torn and wounded flesh with pus = an old wound, offense-related that has been eating at me. It is not apparent at first because it is covered by my shirt
  • Red shirt = Appearances. Or it can also mean, the wound is being covered by the Blood, by love….love overcoming a multitude of wrongs. 
  • White, light and bright law school = learning about God’s laws (His word and ways)
  • Saying goodbye to the Ex = Closure. It was amidst the setting of the school. It wasn’t the issue behind the wound. What he told me though (about how he doesn’t want to lose me), may be the issue behind this: it also relates to rejection 
  • Ma’m Beth and Sir Labitag = my professors for family relations and obligations and contracts. Sir Labitag also teaches about property laws. 
  • Deserted town = Loneliness? 
  • Dad’s cousins = extended family. Tito Rollie has a reputation for being intoxicated. 

The dream is about my rift with my sister and how it is affecting me. I was too intoxicated with my closeness with my 2nd cousin that I overlooked how the pain was still there. I’m trying to go on through life with the pain and loneliness from the rift, trying to hide it, but it is eating at me. It is the issue that I have to deal with, as there is now closure on another wound from my past concerning BJ.  It is a wound that is also rooted in rejection. 

All of this is shown to me after and as a result of the WoW retreat with sisters in Christ. God is reminding me of the things I learned in His school. There is a specific emphasis on family relations and obligations, as well as a remote impact on properties. 

The torn flesh needs to be addressed. I need to go to the operating table. I don’t want to go through life with this pain. I’m ready to be operated on now. 

All of this point to one thing: The rift with my biological sister.  God is also showing me how to heal it: let His love overcome a multitude of wrongs

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for revealing this to me: that I am still affected and infected, no matter how I try to hide it. Heal my wounds regarding my sister. I am in pain because she has and continues to disrespect me and has rejected all of my efforts to reach out to her. It has been almost a decade, and it has gone on for too long. 

Right now, as I type and pray, thank You for reminding me that You know how I felt, Lord. You did nothing for us to reject and not show you the honor due You. Forgive me, Lord. And yet, You have forgiven me, You loved me then and love me still. Your love covered my wrongs. And now, I feel Your love at work in my heart.

Lord, I apply that love and forgiveness You gave me to my family, especially to the wounds from my sister. Help me reach out to her in love and overcome my fears of rejection. For You have shown me how to be a relentless pursuer. Let Your perfect love cast out all fear within me. Empower me with Your love to reach out to her. 

You are the healer and lover of my soul, Lord. Thank You for revealing about this wound. Heal me, Lord. Continue to heal me. 

Lord, open the door, make a way to resolve this. We have not communicated for years, except when I go home and she offers me a grunt in exchange for my greetings. Oh Lord, make a way. Holy Spirit, do what no one else can. Soften hearts, Lord…hers and mine. 

In Jesus’ name, amen. 

PS Lord, show me and tell me when it’s time to send this:

Dear Sister,

As early as I can remember till we found out that Mommy was pregnant with you, I have always prayed for a baby sister or brother. When you were born, I was such a proud Ate, eager to help take care of and show off her cute baby sister. I had a bit of an adjustment though from being an only child to an Ate, who needed to learn how to share attention with a little one. I know it took me time to adjust to be patient with you, even as I felt you steal my thunder and our family’s attention. You became such a cute toddler while I was trying to find my way in the awkwardness of puberty. Yet I was very protective of you, comforting you even as we cried when Mom and Dad used to fight and separation was threatened. 

When I went to college, as I started missing you, I learned how to finally be an Ate, but had some growing up to do, and some grief to grapple with when we lost Dad. Despite my love-hate relationship with Daddy, who mostly scolded me in my pre-teen years on our behalf, I found myself alone and lonely, and busy fulfilling a promise to him…so I’m sorry if you don’t remember much of my presence in your life then. 

Eventually, when I started working, I know that I spoiled you a bit and even had a budget for you. You began to open up to me and I knew you relied on my for emotional support. There were times though that beyond being a friend, I needed to be an Ate and make some tough choices, if I felt that those were going to be good for you, for your discipline. I may have shown you some tough love, as well, as you were studying for your Math subject. 

I was open to you about my love life, about a lot of things, actually, because I wanted to be transparent and for you to learn from my mistakes. I am not a perfect Ate, but I do try my best. 

[When I told you about Mike and me getting married and offered you to be my maid of honor, I was deeply hurt with how you declined for reasons that I felt were controllable. But I appreciate that you managed to make it to my wedding, albeit in jeans (whether or not it was a protest, I still thank you). It hurt though that since my wedding, you shut me out of your life. It hurts everytime I feel dishonored when I reach out to you in vain. It hurts to see the impact of this bitter root in both our lives]

But I love you, Lee-ann, and just as I am sorry for letting you down and for all of my shortcomings as your Ate, I am very much willing to overlook everything. I have been praying for a long time now for God to touch both our hearts and heal both our wounds and hurts. Though I won’t force anything on you, I hope and pray for that time of healing to come soon, because I don’t want to miss out on you anymore.

Love,

Ate

Course Correction

I woke up from a dream of being in a huge and grand white-walled school with 2 dear sorority sisters. They were properly seated on their desks, discussing where they are in their careers and asking me if my going back to P&G was sufficient, based on the number of my transactions. Before I could answer, another law school batchmate named Angel entered the room. I was surprised to see her, as I thought that she entirely dropped out of law school or the profession. She told me how she was taking a few units here and there still until she gets to determine what she wants. I shared about how I can relate with her, having left and quickly returning thereafter. I told her that she alone can determine what she wants, thpugh it may take time. As I shared that with her, there was a flashback to a scene where I was dressed in white, a passenger in a tricycle.

When I woke up, the following Devo greeted me, as if emphasizing His commitment to help me when I slip, encouraging me to wait patiently for Him and not be afraid or discouraged. He will stabilize me, where I may feel unsettled, and in that stable place, He is already there. I declare that I am standing in such stable place because He is the solid rock on which I stand.

I realized that that when it feels like we’re in the middle of a slimy pit, God is not just teaching us a lesson on trust, grace and resting in Him but also purging the desires of our hearts like a refining fire. He refines our selfish ambition to Godly ambition according to our assignments in His Kingdom for the purpose of establishing His will on earth as it is in Heaven. 

Also, the slimy pit may be a place of testing and strengthening the inner man. It is the place where God roots us deeper in our identity in Christ, in stark contrast with whatever exists in our external environment. In the place of the pit, where it may be dark, God’s light shines brighter. The article below actually captures the rest of what I want to say perfectly well. 

Though detours may be inevitable at times, we honor God by waiting on Him and heeding His leading and instructions. He won’t lead us where He hasn’t gone before us.

Another Weird Dream

Had another weird, weird dream.

Mike and I were going to a beach outing with some friends. I forgot to bring other clothes and toiletries, such that I only wore a gown and brought my swimsuit along. I was able to use available toiletries in the public bathroom. The public bathroom was big, and there was a shelf where I was able to read the journal of a teenaged boy. While reading the journal, someone told me that my highschool sweetheart died. I thought, good thing I didn’t end up with him.

After freshening up (I was then wearing an orange gown), I needed to go to the beach which was a bit far from the public restroom. Using my orange car, a driver drove me and another passenger who had a baby.

We passed through a traffic jam, and the driver made a decision to take the unusual route to avoid the traffic. We passed through a very narrow road, along a cliff by the sea. And it amazed me that my car, was able to travel along the road even though half of it (Driver’s side) was in mid-air. It was night time, but the full moon was shining brightly.

Then, the car reached a dead end. For some reason, the driver made a decision to make it jump from the cliff to another road further down. However, his calculations were short. We were not able to reach the road. Instead, the car crashed into a seawall beside the road, and got submerged under water. Amazingly, none of us got hurt and survived the crash. We all just rose up from the water. (I was still wearing the orange gown).

I was able to go to where my husband was immediately. I egged him to quickly apply for insurance so the value of my car can be replaced 

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